As promised, the third part of my ÃƒÆ’Ã‚Â¼ber-dork trilogy.
The Fishing Tournament
As you may recall, I was all set to “cheat” in the fishing tournament. I had caught a Stringfish, and was holding on to it until the tournament date, when I would show up with the fish, act like I had just caught it, and claim my sweet trophy. Seems good, yeah? This is where things fall apart.
Tournament day. I show up and talk to the mayor. He says that the prize will go to the person who catches the biggest fish. The Stringfish is big, but I started to fear that it was not the biggest fish one could catch. Well, what are the odds that someone else is going to catch something bigger, really? Hrm.. I really wanted this trophy, so I decided to check my records to see which fish that I had caught before was the biggest. Tuna! Turns out the Tuna is huge. So no biggie, I’d just hold on to my string fish, and try to catch a tuna, and if I didn’t, I’m sure I could still win with my Stringfish. (Stringfish are worth 15,000, where Tuna are worth 7,000.. so I could actually make some money on this deal as well, as you have to turn in your fish to win the trophy. I began fishing.
Sea Bass. Sea Bass. Sea Bass…..
A few hours and a million Sea Bass later, I’ve still got no Tuna. A neighbor swung by and started talking about Deena, another neighbor that’s so cheery you can’t help but hate her. She’s not much of a angler, but whatever. This dude is talking about how she’s caught the biggest fish already. I decided to check it out, so I talked toe the Mayor. Turns out Deena caught a Tuna! Well… I spent all day on the ocean, and I never saw Deena, so I don’t know how she could have caught a tuna… something smelled fishy. [Yes. bad puns will make this post less nerdy.]
What I did next can best be described with pictures:
I saw some serious shit.
So I traveled back in time to the previous evening, and did some more fishing, convinced that the tournament had wiped the ocean clean of any worthwhile fish. After a long while, I did indeed catch a tuna! Huzzah!. With fish in hand, I traveled back forward in time to 11:59am. The tournament started at Noon. Exactly at noon I stood in the city center, and talked to the Mayor first thing. I handed him my tuna with pride, and waited for his congratulations, when he informed me that my tuna was smaller than the tuna that Deena had already submitted. WTF?! First off, the tournament just started, and Deena is no where to be seen, she couldn’t have given it to the mayor already, because I’ve been in the city center the whole time. Second, how is her tuna bigger!? Something was definitely up.. and even the mayor was involved in it. This called for drastic measures… I did what had to be done.
I few minutes later, I was comfortably fishing along the ocean… it was sunny and warm, and there were butterflies fluttering all over the place. It was July, 2005. I’m told there were big fish to be caught in the summertime, and screw it, if they were going to cheat, I was going to cheat better. A short time later, I had this to show for my efforts:
That there is the Ocean Sunfish. At 9.75 feet, it dwarfs the 7.5 foot tuna. Take that, Deena!. With giant fish in hand, I decided to head back (well, forward) to my time… resisting the urge to catch all the amazing butterflies and fish that were everywhere around me. I returned to my time, and my town was completely overrun with weeds!!
I turned in my fish to the mayor, and he announced that I was in the lead with the largest fish. I spent the rest of the day picking weeds throughout the entire town, while my neighbors remarked how they hadn’t seen me in many months. I was weary but satisfied with my ill-gotten certain victory when I returned to my house.. opened the door, and was shocked to see my whole house filled with cockroaches! They scurried around everywhere, making a sickening clickity-click sound as they ran. I chased after them, and as I ran them over, small cockroach shaped ghosts rose up from their broken bodies. After a few minutes, they were gone, and the entire ordeal was over. [Note: the cockroaches horrified Rachel, and were enough to convince her never to mess with long-distance time travel.]
[Epilogue: I won the tournament, and got my nifty trophy. I made Deena’s new catch-phrase “I cheat!”, and wrote her a nasty letter. Two days later she visited me and gave me her picture, claiming I was the best friend she’s ever had. What a weird world.]