I’ve taken it upon myself to write up a little helpful checklist/instruction manual for any new employees in the billing department at Metropolitan Hospital. It shouldn’t be too hard to follow, and those veteran employees need not even look at it, as you already seem quite well acquainted with how this works.

1. Bill patient full price of procedure.
2. If patient claims to have insurance:
   1. Request Insurance name.
   2. Tell patient that problem is with insurance. Suggest they call insurance.
   3. Bill patient full price of procedure.
3. If patient claims insurance company stated the problem was with hospital billing:
   1. Request name of Doctor or Surgeon the prescribed procedure.
   2. Tell patient that problem is with Doctor or Surgeon. Suggest they call that person.
   3. Bill patient full price of procedure.
4. If Patient claims insurance and Doctor claim problem is with hospital billing OR Doctor’s office calls, claiming problem is with hospital billing:
   1. Claim to be looking into the billing issue.
   2. Wait 5 business days.
   3. Send bill for full price of procedure to patient.
   4. Laugh maniacally.
5. If Patient refuses to hang up when you say you’re looking into the billing issue.
   1. Insist that patient pay initial billed amount, which will be refunded when the issue is resolved, so as to avoid any late penalties or bad credit.
   2. Take money
   3. Send another bill for remainder of full price of procedure to patient
   4. Eat a puppy.
6. If Patient calls back complaining about bill again:
   1. Blame Insurance
   2. Blame Doctor’s Office
   3. Threaten patient with attempted insurance fraud.
   4. Suggest setting up a payment plan
   5. Bill patient full price of procedure.
   6. Tease orphans about their lack of parents.
7. If doctor’s office calls up again, demanding that incorrect billing be corrected immediately:
   1. Try blaming insurance again.
   2. Try blaming Doctors office.
   3. Give that fraud thing a shot.
   4. Claim matter is “out of your hands”
   5. If all else fails, acknowledge error in billing, and promise to fix incorrect billing code for obviously covered procedure.
   6. Bill patient full price of procedure with faulty procedure code.
   7. Invade Poland.

Seriously, Metro. You get the finger… and you owe me some money.

Wow. Lest you wonder: Star Wars Episode III was very, very good. The 12:01 showing was another fun event.. lots of people dressed up (A bearded man dressed as Queen Amidala won the “best dressed” contest.) Lots of standing around, then Star Wars trivia, and a spectacularly lame Karate demonstration passed the time (only a few hours for me, more for others [Thanks guys!]) before the show. I guess I won’t bother spoiling anything, but I will say it was very, very good, and even better then second time. Lucas managed to redeem himself a number of times, while still proving he has no idea how to write romantic dialog. Well done, George!

Reason to be happy today:

Good news for fans of top-notch dysfunctional-family comedy: The Bluths are coming back. Fox announced on Monday that it has renewed the low-rated but critically beloved “Arrested Development” for a third season. This calls for a celebration — frozen bananas for everyone!

Huzzah!!

A few things to note:

It would appear that the The Cubs listened to me, finally. Not only did they get/decide on a closer [who is not LaTroy Hawkins (I'm pushing for the nickname "Heartbreak Hawkins"... It works better than the nickname I currently use, which I dare not post here, in case more relatives discover this little site.)]. On top of that, the first time they were going to use him in his new role, they instead let their starter go the full game, and they finally won a game. Amazing!

I beat Star Wars: Jedi Academy [Jedi Knight III] the other day. This game, like a number of Star Wars games, allows you to guide your character towards the light side, or the dark side, and the game changes quite a bit towards the end based on your decision. Not surprisingly, I opted to kill all the humans, and soon was consumed by the dark side. (Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.) I had been warned on a number of occasions by Luke Skywalker himself that I seemed too consumed by anger and power.. Well, he was right. Anyway, the nice part was that I was then free to kill the annoying people that you [up until that point] had to protect, and listen to as though you cared what they said, etc.. I also grew rather fond of some of the dark powers (like Force Drain, where you steal other people’s life energy, and increase your own health in the process, and force grip, the snazzy Vader like choking power.. which you can also use to just hold people in the air, use as a shield against incoming fire, then slam into the wall three or four times before dropping down one of the many bottomless pits that appear everywhere in Star Wars architecture. ) What I noticed as I neared the end was just how much my character’s “evilness” had affected the way I played the game. I was no longer satisfied with beating people, I had to punish them… [at any point you can begin to question whether this is game related, or simply another manifestation of my own personal evil] I’d seek out particularly painful looking areas (giant pits, fires, large rotating fans, giant crushing or smashing machines, etc..) and then find people to destroy there. I was getting pretty in to it, too. When I had finally beaten the game (and destroyed my old master, which I think was my favorite part of the game) I went through and played the game as a “good” person.. and I was much less into it. I still got to kill things, but I had to let some people live… what fun is that? So all of this to say: If I could use the force, I bet Carrottop would go into hiding.

We were watching The Empire Strikes Back yesterday, and midway through it Rachel told me that she’d never seen this movie before.

I was driving in to work today, and when I got off the highway, I saw the moon in the sky,and it was really bright and big. So I was staring up at it, marveling at its brightness, when a cloud moved out of the way, and I was blinded… because I was staring at the sun.

Remember this brace that I got? Guess how much insurance told me they had to pay for it. I was surprised.

Cubs:

This is the second letter I am sending to you in the past 2 weeks. I am forced to believe my last letter (postmarked April 23, 2005) was either ignored, or lost. Perhaps you never even received it. I don’t know. I pointed out some troubling behavior I hoped to have corrected before it became unmanageable. Despite some promising alterations made just after my letter was sent (which resulted in some noticeable improvements, I might add) on the whole, my suggestions seemed to have been completely disregarded. The troubling behavior continues, with disastrous results. I send to you this second letter on the heels of yet another painful loss, the result of sending in LaTroy Hawkins to close the game. Do you not remember my words? “Do not put in LaTroy Hawkins. He’s a setup man, not a closer.” I was saying that for your benefit, not mine. If this relationship is going to work, you’re going to have to trust me. I want to be there for you, but it just hurts too much… I try to remember the good times…

I hope this letter reaches you in time. I know some feelings are hurt.. you did some things you must regret now… But I’m willing to work through things with you.. show me that you are too. I’ll be waiting.