Goodbye, Stuckeyville.

First, the Wisdom of General Martok:

“We are not accorded the luxery of chosing the women we fall in love with.”


In the off chance that you haven’t seen the advertisements, next week Friday may well (and more than likley will be) the final episode of Ed. Ever. It’ll be Edand Carol’s wedding, so it’ll nicely tie up the storyline that began with the first episode. In the past few episodes they’ve also done a fairly good job of wrapping up other people’s storylines as well: Molly ended all of her relationships, cause she’s stupid, and nobody cares, cause Molly isn’t an interesting character. She’s a principal at the school, so her storyline is more or less wrapped up. Let’s face it, her job on the show was to be Carol’s best friend, and the go-between for Ed and Carol when things were rocky. She played her part well, and there was much rejoicing. [For the record, I’m of the impression that the position of “go-between” only really works on TV shows and movies. In real life, that person either gets pissed early and quits, screws things up, or gets screwed over by the two people trying to hook up.] Okay, so Molly is set. Mike and Nancy are going to have another child. They just found out Nancy is pregnant in the last episode. Mike is working with Dr. Jerome, and that’s going well. Mike will get the practice when Dr. Jerome retires, which ought to be sometime soon. Nancy is the guidance counselor at the High School, and seems to enjoy that quite a bit. No telling if she’ll stay on with the new kid, but that doesn’t really matter much one way or another. Shirley hooked up with Toby Gibbens, Phil… continues to be Phil. Eli hooked up with Jenny-fair, the Pie lady, and now works at the radio station as well as the bowling alley. Mark lost a ton of weight, and is presumably still happily hooked up with Diane, though we haven’t seen her almost all season. And then there’s Warren. I mentioned before that Warren isn’t going to college.. at least not right away.. he’s looking to do his TV talk show thing. I also mentioned the Stella thing.. Well, he hooked up with her again, though only briefly. He also walked in on Carol in the shower, and apparently got a handful of her ass in a typical sitcom-esque mix-up. Anyway, Stella dumped him again, and he was crushed again, but handled it quite well. He’s learning! Ed’s brother just got sent to jail for not paying taxes…but he finally was taking responsibility for his actions, so his little arc completed nicely as well… As for Ed and Carol… Ed’s still the bowling alley lawyer, and Carol is writing back in Stuckeyville. And they’re going to get married.

So am I pissed that it’s prolly done? Kinda… but I don’t think “pissed” is the best word for it. I think I’m more resigned to the fact that it’ll happen. That’s just kinda how it is. As soon as you ackowledge that you like something, it’ll be taken away from you, one way or another… Add that to the fact that network decision makers are without question the result of many generations of inbreeding, and suddenly their decisions seem to make a bit more sense. At this point, I’m terribly afraid that Arrested Development will be cancelled, simply because the show is so funny, and on Fox, where funny shows are killed. E.g.: Undeclared, Andy Richter Controls the Universe, Family Guy, Futurama, The Critic, etc.. Anyway, the show [Ed] is going to end, and other shows that suck completely will be renewed. That’s just how it goes. Hopefully this means the show will get tossed out on DVD soon, as the first season was the best season of any television show ever. And I’ll admit, I lost a bit of enthusiasm [though not much] after the plot of the show and my own life stopped matching up so nicely. I suppose it’s my fault.. Ed got the girl, and I didn’t.

Guster show at the Orbit Room

Saturday, March 13, 2004. Who is coming with me?

Freebie List

So, that Friends episode was on the other day.. the one where they had the list of 5 celebrities they were allowed to sleep with. In the off chance that I ever meet a girl that’d give a damn if I went off and slept with someone, here’s my current list:

  1. Julia Stiles
  2. Keira Knightly
  3. Julie Bowen
  4. Natalie Portman
  5. Sandra Bullock

Finally, this is me:

Lucy with Football

13 thoughts on “Goodbye, Stuckeyville.

  1. I’d be there at Guster with you, but we have a show that night. Damn, would have been fun.

    My top five is in a constant state of flux. Here is its current incarnation:

    1. Jennifer Aniston (who has always been there and always will be, Brad Pitt be damned)
    2. Jennifer Garner
    3. Keira Knightley
    4. Catherine Zeta-Jones
    5. Miranda Otto

  2. Where does all this Keira Knightley fervor come from? I’ve seen her in the football movie and the pirate movie, and she was in the British flim-flamery movie, but that’s all I can think of, and she’s struck me as being attractive, but a little funny looking.
    Parminder Nagra, on the other hand… damn.

  3. Maryrose -> [first off, simply grand to hear from you… I swear my email to you is seconds from being sent… as it has been since last August. Yeah, I suck] Anyway, yes, Julia Stiles. She’s lovely…. I’ll leave it at that.

    Klaas-> I’m assuming you’ve not actually seen Love Actually, which was excellent, by the way. In the off chance that Bend It Like Beckham and Pirates of the Carribean weren’t enough to convince you that she was drop dead perfect, then this movie [] ought to have. As for “funny looking”.. I’m assuming you mean when you see her, you start to feel funny… in your pants.

  4. I’m not trying to bait you or anything, just giving my candid reactions. Just so that’s clear.

    You’re right that I haven’t seen Love Actually, and that picture is a pretty good one. When I say “funny looking,” I mean, mosly, that her neck is unusually long and thin and her jaw unusually square. (actually, her hair style in that picture tends to mask both, so that probably helps). The former fits in with her overall stick-thinness, which is another thing that creates a problem for me. She’s not scary-thin like Flockhart always is and Zellweger has been, but she’s really skinny, and whatever the inner voraciousness is that makes us create these lists, mine doesn’t respond to that.

  5. Being a complete idiot, and not reading too many of the comments, yeah, you’d have to be like, married or something before the list became important.

    Also, damn that’s a skinny woman. She could use some pancakes. But no powdered sugar, she doesn’t deserve it. Maybe a little powdered sugar.

    Finally: Catherine Zeta Jones only likes shapeless old dudes.

  6. OK. So, I have one more thing to say:

    I’ve never really even WORRIED about ever getting a chance with a celebrity. People fantasize about ’em, but I’ve realized it’s almost not worth it. You’re building up the idea of an idea woman who’s been airbrushed to bejesus and back, and a woman who likely looks VERY different in real life than she does in person.

    As well, because of the ‘matching phenomenon’ (The phenomenon that you will in all liklihood marry a woman who is your equal, attractiveness wise) means that you very well WON’T marry the hottest woman on the planet. You’ll likely marry a woman who is roughly your equal. Offsetting that phenomenon is money and fame. I think being a huge nerd might work against you (Shit, I’m screwed, aren’t I?)

    As well: Stars are stuck up biatches. They have money. They have fame. But it doesn’t make them any more important than you. It also doesn’t make them at ALL tolerable.

    Yes: I’m entitled to my opinion ( ) But it’s probably *healthier* not to fantasize about stars when there are more than perfectly acceptable people within your grasp.

    Don’t reach for the stars, reach for the peach right in front of you.

  7. Adam,

    1) I think you’re projecting an earnestness on the list-making that isn’t there. This is a fun, ironic exercise . Also, damn, they’re hot.

    2) Yeah, I’ve hung out with stars, and tried to tolerate them. I just couldn’t. You’re right. Celebrities are simply intolerable.

    3) Adam: “Baby, I don’t need any of those fancy stars. I find you perfectly acceptable. In fact, you’re more than perfectly acceptable”.
    Lisa: “Awww, you’re so romantic!”

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