So.. more, then. Yeah?

Here I site, by my fireplace, which I love. Mandace wanted to watch American Idol. It’s on now. I um.. I hate reality TV. Well, that’s not even true. When the Real World first came out, I thought it was really, really good. The things that made that show work are the very same things that make current “Reality” TV suck. No, it’s worse than “suck”.. it’s evil, and probably communist. I feel a list coming on:

Good things about “The Real World 1″

1. They chose regular people. They picked different types of people, certainly, but they were all “normal” people. They didn’t purposely choose some neo-nazi and stick him in a room with a big mean black dude and see what happened when “normal people” were forced to live with each other. That’s not real.. that’s just dumb. As it was, you weren’t set up to automatically hate certain people, or like certain people. They were simply people. They had likable qualities, all of them. They had negative qualities. They were just people.
2. They put them is as close to a “normal” situation as possible. They gave then a really nice apartment, but it’s nowhere near the mansions they give these pathetic shells of people they have on now. They all had to have jobs, and pay for stuff, so you didn’t just have a bunch of young pretty people sitting around talking about how hard life is while MTV shells out the $ to make sure they get drunk and sleep with each other. They didn’t force them all to work at some special job that MTV created for them either. I hate that idea… because let’s face it.. most of them suck at whatever job MTV picks, and since they’ve already picked people in order to see them hate each other, the work environment is going to be wretched as well. That’s not real, that’s just mean.
3. It was new. Now, I’m not going for the “it was something different, so it was interesting to watch” idea, though that is true, as much as I’m talking about the people themselves… the ones that were on the show. They didn’t know how it was going to turn out.. they weren’t instantly treated like celebrities the instant they showed up to the house. They went about their lives more or less like normal.. continuing to try to be the people they were before they showed up. I respected that. That ties into the first one: They didn’t pick assholes.. and the people didn’t turn into assholes as soon as they were picked.
4. The purpose was genuine. They didn’t really know what they were doing, so they just kinda filmed as they went along, and watched what happened. As a consequence, the people themselves made the show interesting. It really was [I think] as close as you can get to “picking 7 people to live in a house to see what happens.” They don’t do stuff like that anymore.
5. It celebrated the good things about humanity. Sure, there were arguments and fights and all that, but they were about worthwhile things, and came to resolutions that made you appreciate where people were coming from, etc. One of the biggest complaints the members of the house had, that I can remember, was that one of the guys wasn’t around that much, so they weren’t getting to know him like they wanted to. You got to see different people, from different backgrounds really come together and become friends. They were good people, and you were sad to see them go.

I won’t bother to go point for point with what’s satanic about the current “Reality” TV. The thing that bothers me the most, and seems the most prevalent is this: It celebrates and rewards that which is wrong and detestable about humanity. Watching American Idol today just proved that. What sparked interest? The people who obviously shouldn’t be there. It makes you hate people.

So last week we were hanging out at Max and Ermas, as I’ve been known to do from time to time…. Recently, Joe and Rachel have taken to sitting at my table and hanging out w/ me and my company [until they're yelled at by the manager or something] needless to say, I’m in full favor of this new arrangement (well, not the manager yelling part, that part is annoying). Anyway, last week Thursday I was out with Mandace and Josh, and Rachel mentioned that I ought to see her new place now that she’s all moved in (She moved in with Amy, another one of the servers). I was in full favor of that as well. Later on she asked what we were up to later that evening, and yada yada Mandace and I ended up hanging out with Rachel and Joe that evening at Rachel’s place, and it was a hell of a good time. We played euchre, but mostly sat around and talked, and those people are seriously so very funny. We managed to get home around 3 a.m. I had a very good time, and hope to hang out there again very soon.

Yeah. First of all, It’s freezing outside. FREEZING. By that, I mean that water when left at outside temperatures for any period of time will turn into ice. I don’t care for cold…. at all.. I prefer to be just a tad short of burning at all times. As it is, I only really have to worry about it when I’m walking to my car, when I’m in the car, and when I’m at work, because work is hella cold. But I do have this heated massage chair pad thinger at work now, and it’s pure joy. They say you’re only supposed to use that thing for up to a half hour at a time, which I took to mean 5 hours or so.. When I finally stand up for lunch, my entire body below my neck (sans my hands) is completely asleep. It’s glorious. Anyway, the house stays nice and warm with the fireplace and all, and my bed is positioned in such a way as to force the hot air from the vent to go right under the covers. So you lovely ladies looking for a warm place to spend the night… yada yada yada.

At Tuuk‘s (among others.. there were quite a few, I seem to recall) urging, I read Catcher in the Rye this weekend. I started it up late Saturday night, and read about half of it, finally forcing myself to go to sleep, only to wake minutes later and read 2 more chapters before going back to sleep. I spent this afternoon finishing it off. I really didn’t know what to expect… It’s one of those books that’s always spoken about with this aura of respect like it holds some kind of magical power. Crazy people read it and then go and (try to) kill people. Anyway, I read it, and really took to it. (Be warned As I talk about it, I may well spoil it for those of you who’ve never read it.. so if you don’t want to know anything about it, skip this whole section… but come on.. the book has been out forever. I read the thing, and I suck at reading, usually. What’s your excuse?) I’m not going to come out and say that I’m just like Holden, but it’s hard to deny some of the similarities. A few things in particular that caught my attention: First, the book follows Holden’s train of thought, and it wanders from one thing to another… and they all seem loosely connected, but his mind seems to jump so quickly that it takes him forever to get to his original point, if he does at all. Second was Holden’s tendency to hate things… instantly. And for less than great reasons. Some of his reasons I thought were pretty reasonable, but others he just seemed to be ..well.. messed in the head. And by the end, it was really just a matter of time before he hated everything. Just given enough time, even the things that originally made him like something would be the reason he hated it. It was weird, but I understood, and to a point, it made sense to me. Not that I’m the same way, really. But we’re not totally dissimilar in that regard.

Then there were his thoughts about girls… He wasn’t afraid to just say it how it was.. in his own head at the very least. Pretty much, girls were usually a pain, but when they were hot, then he wanted to have sex with them… but he bring himself to have sex with a girl unless he really liked her.. which he couldn’t seem to do, as he tended to find a reason to hate everything. It was a vicious cycle, and made for some interesting and funny observations/statements. As I was reading, I wrote down a few quotes:

That’s the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they’re not much to look at, or even if they’re sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy, They really can.

It’s a funny thing about girls. Every time you mention some guy that’s strictly a bastard–very mean, or very conceited and all–and when you mention it to the girl, she’ll tell you he has an inferiority complex. Maybe he has, but that still doesn’t keep him from being a bastard, in my opinion.

You take somebody that cries their goddam eyes out over phony stuff in the movies, and nine times out of ten they’re mean bastards at heart.

The biggest connection I had with Holden, though, was his habit of becoming sad and depressed from the slightest triggers. He’d be having a fine time, and start to thinking about something, and just instantly become horribly sad, to the point of wanting to die at times. I’ll be honest, I expected him to end up dead at the end of the book, and was quite surprised (and pleased) that he didn’t. Anyway, Holden would think about things way too much, and they’d inevitably make him sad and depressed. Even thinking about happy times made him sad, because the moments were gone. By the end, he would become miserable because he missed the people that, when he was with them, made him miserable. It’s as though his entire mind was designed to find a way to be sad no matter what the situation. Sound familiar? All that to say that I very much enjoyed reading it, and would like to thank all of you that encouraged me to read it, most notably Tuuk,Jplant, and my brother.

I’ve got more to say.. Maybe after the deacon’s meeting tonight.

This past weekend Swac and I decided to actually accomplish something.. So Friday night we wrote up a list of things to do, which included cleaning the livign room, vaccuuming the house, cleaning out some closets and reorganizing where stuff went (like our bikes), setting up the turtle in his new home, and building a new shelf for our DVDs. Saturday, we put that plan into action, and the results were quite good. In a continuing effort to chronicle the most mundane and ordinary of my experiences, I took pictures.

Joel, Andy, Dave, and I arrived at work hella early this morning. Come see why.

I said a while back (I don’t remember where.. it might have been an email or something) That I’d make a list of my “R.E.M. Greatest Hits” album after getting the R.E.M. In Time album for Christmas. Well, I was stuck in a boring meeting yesterday, and jotted down my list.. only I couldn’t fit them on one disc [surprise], so I made a double disc (and even then, they are filled to capacity) Anyway, these are songs from R.E.M’s Warner Bros. period (from Green through Reveal.. thus no “The One I Love” or “ItEotWaWKI(aIFF)”, etc) Anyway, here it is. Think of any I missed? There’s a reasoning to the order, but I don’t feel like explaining it.

I finally beat Pikmin the other day, and behold it was very good. I was quite impressed with that game.. even moreso when I remembered it was a first generation Gamecube game. Anyway, thinking about finally beating that game (It’d been just sitting there for quite some time.) I started thinking abou what games that I own I did beat, and what ones I never did… that lead to the following list of games that I’ve beaten… I know I forgot some, but I haven’t bothered to look in the drawers with all the old Genesis and SNES games yet. The ones in italics are adventure games where there are a number of items/things you can acquire/do that aren’t required to beat the game, but I got all of them. (e.g. Getting all the hearts, all the items, all the bottles, all the Skulltulas, and beating all the mini-games in Zelda: Ocarina of Time.)

Nintendo

1. Super Mario Bros.
2. Tiny Toon Adventures
3. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Arcade Game
4. The Legend of Zelda
5. Adventure Island

Sega Genesis

1. Sonic the Hedgehog
2. Sonic the Hedgehog 2
3. Sonic and Knuckles
4. Sonic the Hedgehog 3
5. Animaniacs
6. Mortal Kombat
7. Street Fighter II: Special Championship Edition
8. Mortal Kombat II
9. Eternal Champions
10. Deadly Moves
11. Taz-Mania
12. Super Monaco GP II
13. Golden Axe
14. Golden Axe II
15. Altered Beast
16. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Hyperstone Heist
17. Hard Drivin’
18. Super Off-Road

Sega Cd

1. Sonic CD
2. Jaguar XJ220
3. Sol Feace

Super Nintendo

1. The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
2. Super Mario Kart
3. Mortal Kombat 3
4. Radical Psycho Machines Racing

Nintendo 64

1. Mario Kart 64
2. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
3. The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask
4. Star Wars : Shadows of the Empire

Gamecube

1. Star Wars: Rogue Leader
2. Starfox Adventures on Dinosaur Planet
3. Metroid Prime
4. The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker
5. Mario Kart: Double Dash
6. Soul Calibur II
7. Super Smash Bros. Melee
8. Pikmin

Gameboy

1. The Legend of Zelda: Links Awakening DX
2. The Legend of Zelda: 4 Swords
3. Wario Warez Inc.

Computer

1. Doom 2
2. Starship Titanic
3. Jedi Knight
4. Star Wars: Jedi Knight: Dark Forces II
5. Star Wars: Jedi Knight II
6. Monty Python’s Complete Waste of Time
7. Monty Python and the Holy Grail
8. Spy vs. Spy
9. Spy vs. Spy 2
10. Spy vs. Spy 3
11. Airborne Ranger
12. Civilization

Arcade

1. The Simpsons
2. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
3. Sunset Riders
4. Police Trainer

I decided not to include any sports games (besides racing games, where there is a fairly clear way to “beat” the game). If beating the game simply means winning the championship game, then the following games could be included:

1. John Elway’s Quarterback (PC)
2. RBI Baseball (NES)
3. Double Dribble (NES)
4. Techmo Bowl (NES)
5. Joe Montana Football (GEN)
6. NFL Sportstalk Football ’93 Starring Joe Montana (GEN)
7. Sportstalk Baseball (GEN)
8. NBA Jam (GEN)
9. Pat Riley Basketball (GEN)
10. NFL Football (SEGA CD)
11. Madden 2000 (N64)
12. Mario Tennis (PC)
13. Summer Olympics (PC)
14. California Games (PC)

There are a number of older games that it pains me to see not on the “beaten” list… a problem that ought to be rectified:

1. Super Mario Bros. 3 (NES)
2. Toe-Jam and Earl (GEN)
3. Zelda 2: The Adventure of Link (NES)
4. The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons (GAMEBOY)
5. The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages (GAMEBOY)
6. Columns III (GEN)
7. Metroid (NES)
8. Half-Life (PC)
9. Elite Forces (PC)
10. Perfect Dark (N64)

So… can you think of any I’ve forgotten? Got any games you’ve played through that you think I ought to try out? (I’m thinking the Megaman NES series would be fun…)

Okay, my New Years sucked. It’s my own fault for being gullible and controlled by forces beyond my control. Anyway, I usually make resolutions, and take them all seriously and stuff. So I figured I’d look back at what I said last year, and see how I did:

Here’s what I said:

1. I will gain 20 pounds in 6 months.
   1. I will eat 3 meals a day, at least 5 days a week. The following will no longer constitute a “meal”:
      • Vanilla Coke
      • Raw Cookie Dough
      • MandMs
      • Wilhelmina Peppermints
      • Cheese
      • Frosting
   2. I will work out 3 times a week (Monday, Wednesday, and Friday), and get an exercise bike to use while watching TV (During Friends from 7-8). (this is more just to keep in shape during the winter, but if I put it here, I can justify the expense to myself a bit more easily)
2. I will adhere to a strict budget.
   1. Lunches at work will be brought from home at least 4 times a week.
   2. Strict spending limits will be drawn up, and held to.
3. In conjunction with the previous 2, I will learn how to cook.
4. I will accept and believe that happiness can be a reality, and that dreams and desires can be achieved, no matter how difficult it might be, or how long it might take.

So how did I do? Not great. I didn’t gain my twenty pounds… to no one’s surprise. I ate my meals, I worked out, and at one point I was up 9 pounds… I had that dealie on the side of this page that kept track of it… Remember? Yeah. Anyway, I was up 9 pounds, but by years end, I’m down 6 pounds. Screw it. I no longer care. The goal was to look good, and I look good. As for the 3 meals, I average 2 now, which is better than the 1.5 from last year. I had cookies for dinner last week, and cheese for lunch 2 days in a row. I still work out on occasion, but not full blown routines like before. I biked a ton during the winter (on the fake bike), then a ton during the summer (on the real bike) and hope to start fake bike riding again when life returns to normal. [Sleeping is currently more intereesting then life].

The strict budget didn’t happen. I bought what I felt like… I didn’t buy my TV but I was going to, until I went to Europe and spent all of that money on that trip. I never made a budget, and it never mattered. I’ll die before retirement and have no one to pass my vast wealth on to anyway. I do try to stay cheap at lunch. peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or Tuna usually.

I cooked lasagna… remember that? Later on I learned grilled cheese. I do omelets too. After than I realized cooking took too much times, and I like Max and Ermas a lot better. (My house is lacking the lovely Sara, Rachel, Megan, Jill, Sara (blond), Rachael, Amy, Grace, Karen, Ashley, Joslyn, etc..)

As for the last one.. I bought into it here and there… Looking back I was quite happy much of the year, and much of the time I knew it. (I even admitted it to people). At the moment I’m not, so trying to write about it seems like a fool’s errand. Looking back, 2003 was one of my best years, and the 2 weeks in Europe were some of the finest days of my life. The thing I was shooting for with my resolutions didn’t happen, so that sucks. Yeah, I wanted to hook up with Deedre. Shocker.

So for this year, I had a few ideas of a resolution. First, I was going to be a stoic… but I realized I couldn’t do that, cause that’s just not the way I work. Then I was going to just be happy, or at least pretend to be, until I’ve managed to convince myself/realize that I am actually happy, and then living as such will be easier. But I just couldn’t do it.. I tried and failed the first day… and then gave up cause I just wasn’t into it. So then I thought I’d try this: I was only allowed to be pessimistic, negative, and typically myself 1 day a week : Tuesday. there was a whole long reasoning thinger for it being Tuesday, but that doesn’t matter now, cause I decided this one was dumb too. Then I wasn’t going to allow things I couldn’t control to bother me. Then I laughed hysterically. I know me well enough to know that I can’t do that. The realization is that I’m usually fairly negative when I write, cause I write when I’m alone, and I don’t like being alone. I’m usually in fairly good spirits when I’m with other people.. unless I’m currently getting dicked over by one of them. When I’m in a bad mood, I’m in a bad mood. When I’m in a good mood, I’m in a good mood. That’s the way it is. I’m usually in a bad mood becuase of my dealings (or lack thereof) with members of the opposite sex. So this year, I intend to meet more people. People means women. I don’t need to meet more guys. So that’s it.. that’s all I’ve got. I’m going to try to meet more people, and give them a shot, and see if they’re what I’m looking for… cause finding what I’m looking for and then trying to win them over hasn’t worked, and just makes me miserable. So, um… do ya know anyone?

I haven’t written any recap of Edin quite some time. When last I left it, we were here:

Ed and Carol and Frankie

Carol decided she wanted Ed, and went out to win him over (and Ron once again prayed to God to make him Ed.) Edkinda plays off the whole thing, believing she isn’t really serious about it (“She just wants to bat me around like a kitty cat with a half dead mouse“) Molly consoles and encourages Carol, as she’s all for it, obviously. Ed doesn’t bother to tell Frankie about it… and then she gets a call from Leon (her Ex), and so when they finally tell each other about their respective old flames, Frankie gets hella pissed (“Leon leaving me in a message and Carol showing up in a knight suit are two completely different things.“). So Frankie is mad at Ed, Carol is embarrassed, Ed is all confused, etc. Molly tries to convince Ed that Carol is being for real. And Ed doesn’t really buy it. Then late one night Molly shows up at Stuckeybowl with Carol’s journal and begins reading entries over the loudspeaker (Ed is there working late.) We have entries from right when Ed showed up, and the first few weeks he was there, and him showing up in a suit of armor, and finally an entry right before her wedding… and Ed tells Molly to stop. Molly’s line: “If you want to pick Frankie, pick Frankie. But don’t pretend that Carol isn’t real.” [65: The Movie]

Carol freaks out when she finds out Molly stole her journal, but she wants to find out what Ed’s reaction was. Meanwhile, Frankie is still hella pissed at Carol, so when Carol shows up at the bowling alley, Frankie and her have words. So then Frankie tells Ed that he has to decide between her or Carol, or she’s leaving to be with Leon. So Ed chooses to be with Frankie. So Ed goes to tell Carol, and when he goes looking for her we flashback to all the snazzy episodes from the past 3 years where Ed and Carol got together. [They included my favorite, Pretty Girls and Waffles.] And Ed realizes that he’s in love with Carol, so he tells Frankie (we don’t see it, but we can tell she’s not pleased), and then tells Carol. We end the season with the two of them kissing under fireworks. It was excellent. [And Ron once again prayed to God to make him Ed.] [66: The Decision]

We started out the new season right where we left off, with Ed and Carol kissing under fireworks.. They awkwardly try to move into being a couple, and it just seems to all go poorly. It finally gets to the point where Carol believes that she’s not living up to the expectations that Ed had for her. (there’s a story about a bike in there that illustrates it all quite well) They question whether they were meant to be just friends, but the Ed says “I have enough friends” and they go off to have hot sex… which apparently fixes everything. [Ron once again wishes to be Ed.] [67: New School]

The next episode takes place all through the lens of Ed’s cousin Benny’s camera, as he works on a documentary for his film school final project. It was going to be on Ed, the bowling alley lawyer, but then Ed and Carol decide to move in together, and the documentary then becomes about that. They start out fine, but then the little annoying things start to piss them off. They manage to work through it, as you know they would, and life continues to move forward. [68: New Car Smell]

Ed gets all jealous about an old boyfriend of Carol’s, and ends up tracking him down, much to Carol’s dismay… but it all ends up fine [70: History Lessons]

Then Carol meets up with an old student who is now writing in New York. She shows him some of her writing, he’s impressed, and he invites her and Ed up to New York to meet with a new magazine editor. She impresses her, and is offered a job in New York City. She thinks about it for a long time, then decides to turn it down… only at the end of the episode she realizes how sick of teaching she is, and decides to take the job.[72: The Offer]

So Carol is moving to New York City, and Ed decides he has to go with her. Ed looks to sell Stuckeyville, but ultimately decides to make Eli, Phil, and Shirley co-owners. Then, at their going-away party, Ed and Carol decide that Ed should stay in Stuckeyville with Carol heading off to New York. [73: Goodbye Stuckeyville] The long distance relationship starts to prove troublesome, as Carol becomes more and more “New Yorky” and trendy, etc.. Ed ends up seeking some professional counseling to help him figure out why things are going so poorly. Ed eventually realizes that he must do: Move to New York and ask Carol to marry him. [74: Therapy] So he dreams up this grandiose proposal in Central Park, only Carol surprises him by coming back to Stuckeyville for Thanksgiving…. screwing his plans. Ed still insists on making this proposal live up to the standards he’s set in past romantic outbursts.. So while Ed is feverishly working on making the best proposal ever, Carol is getting pissed that Ed won’t talk about their relationship. Ed eventually finds a list in Carol’s scrapbook of her 25 favorite things, and decides to present her with everything on her list as his proposal, and she joyously accepts. So Ed agrees to move to New York and be with Carol there. [75: The Proposal]

Ed and Carol have to do a little work to get her father’s blessing, but eventually get it [76: Just a Formality]. Then Ed meets up with an old classmate who tries to woo him, and he hesitates a bit before letting her know he’s spoken for. Carol gets fed up with the crappy writing assignments she’s being given at the magazine (e.g. “Elevator Romances”). She realizes that the writing she wants to do she can write anywhere, and decides to move back to Stuckeyville. [77: Home for Christmas] She meets up with a agent, who requests a copy of some of her writing… only she doesn’t really have much to show, so she tries to write some… and it goes very poorly. The stress from that plus stresses of the wedding, etc.. build up, and she decides she just wants to elope. Ed says okay, but thinks it’s a lousy idea. The chapters that she wrote for the agent gets panned, and Carol later admits to Molly that they sucked… they have a talk, and Carol realizes she’s been seeking the easy way out both with her writing and with the wedding. So she starts up writing again, and they’re planning a real wedding. [78: The Process]

The others

Mike and Nancy get a dog (“Willie Butch”), then when Mike’s parents visit, his dad manages to burn down their house. So they have to move in with Ed for a while. Warren hooks up with Carol’s younger sister, Stella (another hotty). Stella announces she’s moving back to Boston to go to school, and Warren is crushed.. and in typical Warren fashion, tries all he can think of to win her over and keep her from going… She leaves anyway, but they make up before she leaves. Later, Warren decides he doesn’t want to go to college, but instead wants to pursue his dream of being one of those late night talk show hosts.. He gets his own cable access show, and it… well, it sucks.. but he appears happy, and hopes are high that it’ll get better. Meanwhile, Eli falls for “Jenny-fair”, the pie lady. When they’re about to hook up (kiss), he hesitates, fearing the wheelchair will kill the relationship.

And now you’re all caught up. Oh, to be Ed.

1. R.E.M. – Automatic for the People

Three months ago I started this countdown, and now I’m at number one. R.E.M. is my favorite band, as I’ve mentioned already. This album is R.E.M. at it’s peak. Out of Time has some incredible songs on it, and other albums have some great, great, great songs on it. Document has It’s the End of the World as We Know It and I Feel Fine and The One I Love, Lifes Rich Pageant has Superman and Fall on Me, Green is filled with quality… and things changed quite a bit with Monster [which I love], and continued to change through New Adventures in Hi-Fi [which should have been on this list.. that album is amazing], Up [again, excellent], and Reveal… For the record, Murmur, Reckoning, and Fables of the Reconstruction also rule, in their own particular ways.. But of all the R.E.M. albums that exist, Automatic for the People is my favorite, and has the most memory and emotion attached to it.

R.E.M. albums tend to have a theme to them… some themes more apparent than others. Document has been described as “a backlash against 80′s Reagan-era imperialism”, Green focuses on political/environmental issues, and self-empowerment. Out of Time I’ve talked about at length already, but could be summed up as “love, loss, and lonliness”… With Automatic for the People, the themes are far more dark, sombre, and melancholy. They deal with aging, pain, death, loss… but they manage to do so with a feeling of support, optimism, and hope that leaves you feeling uplifted rather than destroyed… and in so doing they’ve created something beautiful.

Let’s look back at the things I said I liked about the past 24 albums:

1. Singability – This album is filled with singable songs that nicely flow between genres: You’ve got everything from the slow, rich sounding songs like Star Me Kitten, Everybody Hurts, and Nightswimming to the fast, harder-edged songs like Ignoreland and The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonite. I’ve mentioned that I enjoy singing along to songs that count, but I think my favorite thing is to sing along to fast songs. Examples: Barenaked Ladies – One Week, Blues Traveler – Hook, and number of Eminem songs (Kill You and the Dre combo Forgot About Dre top that list), and of course, the ultimate: R.E.M.’s It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine). Well, this album has The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonight, that features a fairly rapidly sung chorus that took me some time to figure out (“Call me when you try to wake her up.“). This album also has Find the River and Sweetness Follows, These two songs, plus Pearl Jam’s Indifference and Guster’s What You Wish For are listened to and sung along with by far the most. So Singability? check.
2. Playability – This album is not difficult to play. When I started learning how to play the guitar, I picked a song, What’s the Frequency, Kenneth?, to learn how to play. In learning the chords for that song (D, A, G ,B, E) I was quickly able to (very roughly) play along with a number of songs off of Automatic for the People. Each song had a few new chords for me to learn, and by going through this album, I was able to learn quite a bit without it being horribly frustrating. The plus is that I still enjoy playing along to many of these songs now. If I had any piano talent, I’d want to learn Nightswimming. Playability? check.
3. Lyrical Poetry – Again, check. I’d take Sweetness Follows and just print the lyrics and call it perfect.
4. Good Album Cover – I really like this album cover. First off, it’s distinctive, and you can recognize it from a distance. That I like. It reminds me of Dark Side of the Moon that way. The story behind the the name: Weaver D’s, a restaurant in Athens, Georgia (R.E.M.’s hometown, as well as home for the B-52s and Vic Chestnut) has as its slogan “Automatic for the People”. He seems like a good guy.
5. Harmony – Mike Mills never fails. He blends in so perfectly you sometimes don’t even realize he’s there. check.

So yeah.. this album is very good. I’ve done my best to expose as many people as possible to it, and most have agreed that it is excellent.. even my Mom. (as a matter of fact, I was listening to it back in the day, and she came into the room and remarked that this music was very good. So I bought her the album)

Drive – The first song on the album instantly hits us with the tone of the album. It’s dark and haunting. It also introduces another theme (I think ) that gets played out here and there throughout the album. It’s like a backlash against the grunge movement that was huge as this album came out (’92). You think Grunge, you think anger, frustration, and defiance all flooding towards apathy and eventually death/suicide. And then throw in sex and drugs, because it’s still rock -n- roll. Anyway, here you have a song that presents some of those standard themes: “Hey kids, rock and roll, nobody tells you where to go.” and later “Hey, kids, where are you? Nobody tells you what to do.”. But the lyrics are in jarring contrast to the music, and the way the words are delivered. It’s a slow, ominous death march of a song, with monotonous, deadpan singing. It’s as though the life had been sucked out of the singer… An ironic intro that kinda says (to me) “okay, this is where you’re/we’re at, and we’re about to show you where it’s going to lead you/us”. I think the video reinforces that idea. In case you’ve never seen it (which almost all of you probably haven’t, as it got very little air time), it’s a black and white video that focuses on a huge crowd at a concert, and Michael Stipe is crowd surfing, and Peter Buck striking typical “rocker” poses with his guitar, only it’s slowed way down to match with the slow, sombre tone of the song, so it almost looks like waves rolling back and forth on the shore. All obviously made to look ironic.

One of my friends from back when I worked at the greenhouse, Brent, called this song “that clock song”, because it contains the line “tick, tock, tick, tock”.

Try Not to Breathe – Death. An old man or woman, who realizes they’re at the end, and pretty much wants to be dead, so they can be remembered for what they were, not the fading image they’ve become. It contains the following lines:

    I will try not to breathe.   This decision is mine.   I have lived a full life  and these are the eyes   that I want you to remember.    ...    I will try not to burden you,  I can hold these inside.  I will hold my breath  until all these shivers subside.  Just look in my eyes

The “shiver” mentioned could be connected to the repeated line : “I need something to fly over my grave again.” There is that superstition that says an involuntary shiver/shudder is caused if someone walks over (or if a bird flies over) where your grave will someday be.

The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonite – This song is probably the least gloomy/dark song on the album… and sounds the lightest/most upbeat of them as well. It plays off of the music of “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” kinda. That was the idea, anyway. (The single includes R.E.M. singing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”, and it’s excellent.) The song itself is about a homeless dude spending the night in a phone booth, waiting for a call. The fastly-sung, fairly indistinguishable chorus lyrics are “Call me when you try to wake her up.“. Here’s some more lyrics:

  This here is the place I will be staying.  There isn't a number. you can call the pay phone.  Let it ring a long, long, long, long time.  If I don't pick up, hang up, call back, let it ring some more.  If I don't pick up, pick up... the sidewinder sleeps, sleeps, sleeps in a coil

So, he’s staying in a phone booth which has no number (address). The sidewinder, which is a type of snake, refers to the wire of the phone, wrapped up nicely in that spiral coil.”I can always sleep standing up. sung towards the end refers to sleeping in that phone booth.

Everybody Hurts – So, this song has been used by just about everyone to convey some sort of emotion. It’s an excellent song, and I’ve become one of the million sad souls that have made it a personal, inspirational dealie. It doesn’t really need any explanation. I do have an aside though: There was an episode of Edthat used this song: Warren went out for the wrestling team, and got his ass completely kicked at the tryouts, and they played this song while it was happening, and it was the funniest thing I’d seen in a very long time.

New Orleans Instrumental No. 1 – In case you’re wondering, there is a New Orleans Instrumental No. 2. It’s on the Automatic Box Set. Not much to be said about this song, except that it has no words, and that there’s an extended edition of it that I like quite a bit as well.

Sweetness Follows – This is my favorite song on the album. It’s about dealing with death, loss, pain, etc, but I find it to be one of the most inspiring, uplifting songs on the album. Read these lyrics:

  It's these little things, they can pull you under.  Live your life filled with joy and thunder.  Yeah, yeah we were altogether  Lost in our little lives.  Oh, but sweetness follows

So after all that, sweetness still follows. I find that idea terribly uplifting. I listen to this song all the time. Anything more I’d say would prolly just cheapen the song.

Monty Got a Raw Deal – “Monty” refers to Montgomery Clift, an stage and film actor of the late ’30′s through the mid ’60′s. Troubled throughout much of his life (an isolated childhood, homosexuality, and medical problems leading to massive drug and alcohol addiction), this talented star died young, and is now more or less forgotten. You can read his biography to learn more about him.

Ignoreland – A slight departure from the theme of the album, this song is a high-powered rant against the Reagan and Bush government. See the lyrics:

  These bastards stole their power from the victims of the us v. them years,  Wrecking all things virtuous and true.  The undermining social democratic downhill slide into abysmal  Lost lamb off the precipice into the trickle down runoff pool.  They hypnotized the summer, nineteen seventy-nine.  Marched into the capital brooding duplicitous, wicked and able, media-ready,  Heartless, and labeled. super u.s. citizen, super achiever,  Mega ultra power dosing. relax.  Defense, defense, defense, defense. yeah, yeah, yeah.  Yeah, yeah, yeah. ignoreland. yeah, yeah, yeah. ignoreland.    The information nation took their clues from all the sound-bite gluttons.  Nineteen eighty, eighty-four, eighty-eight, ninety-two too, too.  How to be what you can be, jump jam junking your energies.  How to walk in dignity with throw-up on your shoes  They amplified the autumn, nineteen seventy-nine.  Calculate the capital, up the republic my skinny ass.  T.v. tells a million lies. the paper's terrified to report  Anything that isn't handed on a presidential spoon,  I'm just profoundly frustrated by all this. so, fuck you, man.  Yeah, yeah, yeah. ignoreland. yeah, yeah, yeah. ignoreland.    If they weren't there we would have created them. maybe, it's true,  But I'm resentful all the same. someone's got to take the blame.  I know that this is vitriol. no solution, spleen-venting,  But I feel better having screamed. don't you?  They desecrated winter, nineteen seventy-nine.  Capital collateral. brooding duplicitous, wicked and able, media-ready,  Heartless, and labeled. super u.s. citizen, super achiever,  Mega ultra power dosing. relax.  Defense, defense, defense, defense. yeah, yeah, yeah.  

An interesting side-note is that working on this song, in its various points of mixing and instrumentation, lead to the sound that became the focus of their next album, Monster. (Fuzz Bass, hella distortion, etc.)

Star Me Kitten – Originally “Fuck Me Kitten”, until the name change to avoid an “Parental Advisory” sticker, this song is about love gone bad… I think. The lyrics are fairly cryptic, but there are a few things that stand out. Two people used to be close, but now aren’t (“I’ve changed the locks, and you can’t have one.“, “You. me. we used to be on fire.I’m in your possession. So, fuck me kitten.“). I really love the way this song sounds, very slow, low, and soft.

Man on the Moon – If people didn’t know this song was about Andy Kauffman before, they prolly did after the movie with the same name came out a few years back (R.E.M. did the soundtrack for it). So stuff about Elvis, and Wrestling, etc. that’s all referring to Andy (and features Michael’s pretty good Elvis impression).

Nightswimming – This song is beautiful. It just is. When I was working in Holland, I had this song playing, and my boss Nate turned to me after a while and said “I was wondering why all of a sudden I was feel all nostalgic, then I realized this song was playing. It really does seem to have that affect. The song itself seems to deal with that idea… looking back at the past (your own childhood) when things were simpler/less complicated, and the little things were important. Here’s this quote from Mike Mills:

It’s something we used to do back in Athens. Twenty or thirty of us would go skinny-dipping at two in the morning–you know, build a fire and get naked. There was a very real possibility of the sheriff coming up. We were drinking and doing who knows what, and we could have gone to jail. Whereas now, no one does it any more, except once in a while we take a friend up there to show them. And even if you do swim, it’s still not like it used to be, because no one knows about it, and there’s really no chance of anyone coming down and bothering you.

I love the references to the photograph to remind you of the event:

  The photograph on the dashboard, taken years ago,  Turned around backwards so the windshield shows.  Every streetlight reveals the picture in reverse.  

We come to the final song, my other favorite on the album, and one that sends it off on an uplifting tone, I think, Find the River. I love the video for this song. It’s just a black and white clip of an older man and his dog hiking to the river. The chorus ends the first two times with the line: “This life that pass before my eyes. Nothing is going my way.” But the very end of the song ends with “All of this is coming your way“. I see the song as a person looking at their entire life like a river flowing. When they’re in the middle of everything, their consumed by it, (“You have to go to task in the city, where people drown and people serve.“) and don’t really enjoy anything (“None of this is going my way“). But when you’re given the chance to stand back from it all, life suddenly doesn’t seem as bad, and you’re not only happy about your own life, but excited for those that come after you. “All of this is coming your way.”