Hard to believe I’m still single.

It’s late…well, it’s getting late: 1:45 a.m. There were things I wanted to say, but many of them are lost on me. So after you read this, pretend I said it all very eloquently…. and said something more worthwhile.

I’m watching an episode of Scrubs that I’ve not yet seen (2×18 – My T.C.W.), and there was a line I found quite funny: If I have more than one beer, I’ll most likely kill myself. There might be a problem with how funny I find jokes about people killing themselves, or people joking about killing themselves. So…yeah. Damn I’m lonley. Nights suck.

The other day (Tuesday, I think) I went to visit my brother, Jeff, and his wife Rebecca, and my nephew, Steven, and Robb, at Camp Blodgett. Camp is ended Wednesday, and I wanted to see them all out there while they were still out there. So I went, and hung out for a while. Here’s the thing, I’m fairly certain I’d suck at being a camp guy. I don’t think I’m that great with strangers, and I’d prolly just get frustrated with people, and then kill them. But I’m jealous, horribly jealous, of Robb, and the other people working there. A few things:
1.) You never know what the day is going to bring.
2.) You really get to know other people, and create those really special relationships.
3.) Girls work there. Cute ones, and lots of them. You know what? Where I work… The girl situation… yeah. it sucks. This leads to me my next thing.

When do I get to hang out with girls my age? Um… Max and Ermas has waitresses my age, does that count? I have friends that are girls, but it’s been made quite clear that none of them have any romantic interest in me whatsoever, even if:
a.)I have an interest in her.
b.)I express said interest in her.
c.)She displays what appears to be romantic interest in me.
d.)She expresses [verbally] romantic interest in me, or the possibility of romantic interest in me.

So it gets pretty frustrating. I don’t know where I’m supposed to meet these women. Thus far the best bet seems to be hoping that my current female friends continue to introduce me to their female friends, and one day, I’ll meet someone who doesn’t instantly throw me on the “Friends” ladder.

While I was at camp, Jeff, Steven, and I took a tour of some of the camp I’d never seen before. While we were walking, Steven was behind us a bit, so I slowed a little, and he ran up to me, and grabbed my hand, smiled at me, and we walked for a while with him holding my hand. I don’t think anyone has made me feel that special or important in years. I love that kid.

While I was driving back from camp, I was on a dark road, following two small busses each pulling small trailers filled with junk. I saw something [which I thought was smoke] shoot out of the back of the closer trailer. A second later, I looked out my window to see a tire (complete with rim) rolling on the street along side me, doing around 55 mph. I slowed up in time to watch it swerve into my lane, then weave back and forth slightly within my lane for quite a long stretch. When I finally got the sense to try to get a picture, it swerved off the road, jumped up a ditch, jumped over a hill, and disappered into some bushes. That was odd.

Joel and Adam came over today, as did Josh. Josh took off (he smashed up his toe pretty nicely) right before dinner [with his computer, which I had fixed up for him] before dinner. The rest of us headed off to Max and Ermas, and were later joined by Cathy and her sister, and shortly thereafter, Laura. After a long and enjoyable dinner, Joel and Adam took off, and the rest of us (sans Robb) watched High Crimes, which was quite good. (Cathy seems to think it was filmed when she was out there, which would make it this movie, as well. I don’t know.

I should sleep. Forecast says rain all weekend, so biking might not happen. But weather people seem to be right maybe 51% of the time, so who knows. Go Cubs! Oh yeah, Klaas was in town these past number of days, and it was hella kewl hanging out with him at the Pick this Tuesday and last. It’s 3 a.m. My cellphone gets the finger.

2 thoughts on “Hard to believe I’m still single.

  1. Ron, I know what you mean about the whole women thing. I have almost exactly the same thing. In terms of meeting women I think that unless we change professions or join some sort of volunteer group, our opportunities of meeting women in a nonchalant sort of way are over. We can always just walk up to someone in the grocery or bookstore and introduce ourselves, but there are no words that can describe how terrified I am of doing that.

  2. I don’t think I’ll be able to change professions any time soon… partly because I’ve still got too much that I’ve committed to do here, and partly because I’ve become increasingly aware of just how little else I’d be good at or want to do. Perhaps another job in this field in a place where women my age worked would be something I should keep an eye out for. They must exist somewhere. Volunteer groups have their advantages. The volunteering I’ve done has always been a lot of fun, and I’ve met a number of great people whom I’ve managed to either become good friends with or hook up with for a time. Problem is, it requires time… and if I recall correctly, you do work and don’t get paid for it. Thus making it a pretty risky investment.

    So that leaves us with going out of our way to introduce ourselves to women. Fair enough. I’m similar in my complete and utter fear of stepping out of my comfort zone and opening myself up for devastating rejection. I also have this thing, and I know I’m not the only one who works this way, where if I was going to start up a relationship with someone, I’d like to know a fair amount about them already.. .Just one of those things where if i’m going to invest that kind of emotional energy into something, I want to have a decent idea that this is what I’m looking for. I also have the annoying tendancy of instantly figuring out why a relationship with someone wouldn’t work (sometimes before the girl has had a chance to speak). All told, finding a girl that I consider worth the effort of trying to hook up with becomes very, very hard…. and it would appear that inevitably, once I’ve found a person that passes the test, they soon disappear from my life, or begin talking about their boyfriend, who is just like me, except for the part where he’s a complete fuck. Girls piss me off.

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