A Sling for What!?

So this past weekend was interesting. Want to hear it? Here it go:

Friday: As you know, Friday is Ed, and I am all about Ed. So I was in a good mood Friday, cause Ed was gonna be on. I had talked to Cathy when she was over earlier in the week, and she said she’d be coming over to watch with us Friday night, so that was an added bonus. So on the ride in to work Friday, Cathy called, and wanted to know if it was okay if she brought some of her nurse friends. Yes.. Yes, that would be just fine. Fridays we typically go out to eat for lunch [much to the dismay of some people who find me to be a ruthless dictator when it comes to lunchtime activities.], so we went off to Pizza Hut, which was a good time. Those cinnamon sticks with icing they have.. those things are good! Work finally ended, and we headed on home. I got home, and Robb was home, and then Cathy and her friends came over. They brought with them a lot of food. We decided to watch The Game, so I had to quick head off to Mindy’s place to get it (it was still in her DVD player). We started it up, and after about 20 minutes or so, the power went out. All was dark, except for our fireplace. We waited for it to come back on, but it didn’t. After a while, it dawned on me that Ed would be on soon, and I started calling people, hoping someone would tape it for me. [for the record, I think 5 people did. Thanks!] So Stacy and Cathy headed to Stacy’s place to see if there was power (she lived nearby), and Robb and I tried to get some good Cathy at the hospital stories while she was gone. Then the power came back on. We watched a bit of Ed (it was maybe around 9:30), and Cathy called, and we convinced them to come back over to our place. Shortly after they returned, the power went out again. We sat around in the dark and talked for a while, then Swac came home, and we played games (Rapid Recall and Scattergories), and heard all about the fun times at the hospital. Here’s the deal: I never, ever, ever want to go to a hospital. Apparently, the people there are messed up something awful. With things swelling to unusual sizes, blood gushing out in every direction, and feces permanently staining tile floors.. Yeah, um… No thanks, just let me die. The girls left sometime after one, and the power came on near 2 I think. I’m hoping we get to hang out with them again sometime soon, cause they were a lot of fun.. Certainly the best Friday evening I’ve had in quite some time. And that was all the blackout that I had to deal with. Long enough to be fun and exciting, but short enough not to be annoying or cold. Made for a quality evening as well, as it forced us to actually talk to each other the entire evening, rather than just gaze blankly at the same screen for hours. I’m all for watching movies with people, but not as a substitute for actually getting to know them. So yeah, thank you, Ice Storm, for making my Friday evening even better.

I was up late Friday night. And for me to say it was late ought to mean something, cause my normal is most people’s late. It was worth it.

Saturday morning I woke up at 7, got ready,and headed off to Holland. Well, first, I spent a half an hour trying to get into my car, which was completely encased in ice. It looked amazing, but it also pissed me off, cause it was making me late. Finally I made it to Holland, where I met up with my friend, Kenton (Dino), and the other guys involved with Dino’s wedding this coming Saturday. For his bachelor party, we were going to go paintballing, and I was jazzed. I’ve not been paintballing in about 6 or 7 years. The last time I went was with Dino and a bunch of our High School friends. There’s one particular incident that is remembered by all who attended that fateful day. A bit of foreshadowing first:

  1. I am a fairly jumpy person
  2. Pain rarely frightens me, but the perception of impending pain scares me quite a bit. It’s odd, I know.
  3. It times of extreme strain or stress, my ability to discern is severely impaired.(severely impaired –> I become a freaking moron.)

The Incident

We had played a series of games indoors that day, and I had faired alright: a few deaths, a few kills. Average. We started playing outside, and had divided into teams to play capture the flag. My team was stationed near the building, and I was put in charge of guarding the flag. (I was the camper…). I took my job seriously, but I took even more seriously the threat that at any moment, their entire team could come running out, and I would be in for a world of hurt. Thus, I was on high alert, and the slightest movement did not escape my eye. Somehow, my teammate, Ryan, had snuck back to my position, and was walking behind me (presumably to lend a hand in guarding the flag). When I finally heard the footsteps, I immediately turned and fired, shooting him right in the chest at a fairly close distance. He was both stunned, and injured, though not severely. After some choice words eluding to a fictitious sexual incident involving myself and my mom, Ryan decided to head in to the building to refill his paint, and I resumed my guard duty. I did apologize profusely, but I felt somewhat justified, as I had been guarding the flag, and he gave no warning to his presence. Time passed, and I managed to pick off one enemy as he approached our flag. I was feeling more confident… then it happened. I heard the enemy approaching from behind, and knew I had to act fast. So I spun around, and in one quick motion aimed and fired. It was a direct hit.. right in Ryan’s crotch… from no more than 5 feet away. One high pitched yelp later, he was on the ground, in obvious pain. At that point, both teams came out of their hiding spots and approached the scene with caution… Ryan lay flopping occasionally, like a fish ready to call it quits. I stood with my barrel still smoking, ready to put it to my temple and just be done with it. Days later, Ryan informed me that he had pissed blood. Looking back on it now, that’s incredibly funny.

So we started up our paintball outing inside, and the first round did not go well. My team of 5 got stuck in one of the back rooms early on, and when we sent a few troops through, they all got knocked down instantly. Finally, it was just me and one other guy left, so we fortified ourselves in a room and defended it until time ran out. I was determined not to get stuck in the same position again, but I still feared the sting of that first kill shot I would certainly receive. Hence my first game’s performace… So the second game we started by making a mad dash for the center, determined not to get stuck in a back room. I managed to get a nice position behind a defensive fence just in time to watch an enemy line me up and shoot me dead. RIP in about 20 seconds. Most impressive. It didn’t hurt that bad, and I was starting to feel more daring (Daring –> When in reference to situations involving women or public speaking read as: bold. When in reference to situations where I have a gun of some sort, read as: damned fool.). Next we played terrorist: 2 people plant a bomb in the building, and the remaining (7) “FBI agents” have to find the bomb, and get it out of the building before time runs out. The terrorists were given time to hide themselves so they could defend the bomb until time was up. It was extremely fun. I was an FBI agent both times, and you really got the feeling like you were cops or soldiers or something, with the talking with your hands, giving orders to others, shooting terrorists with guns. That kinda thing. I managed to shoot a terrorist (Brian) through a narrow (2 inch) opening from at least 50 feet away, and have thus earned the right to brag about it right here and now. It was excellent. So we managed to get the bomb out both times (Yours truly exiting with bomb in hand for round one.) While escaping in round two, I followed behind the guy with the bomb, and another FBI guy mistook me for a terrorist and started firing (with his fully automatic gun) and … You know that feeling you get way down deep in your stomach you get when you realize you’ve completely screwed up.. like you woke up late and your exam is already over, or you forgot to pick your grandma up from the airport, or you’re about to run into a Saab with your crappy car? Imagine that feeling, mixed with the expectation of horrible pain in unknown locations, and you’ve pretty much captured the split second between me hearing the gun fire, and me darting out of the way. I was quite pleased that none of the shots hit me, but at least another 7 years of my life are now gone (that puts me down to about 27, I believe).

The next game was president, where two body guards have to escort the president in through one door and out the other without dying. To die, they had to be shot twice, and the president had to be hit 2 times in the head or chest. We sucked it up, and they made it out no problem (I never even saw them, actually). But after that, we decided to head outside, and that’s when it started to get really fun. It had been cold, wet, and rainy Friday, and there were giant puddles everywhere. By now I had completely transformed from my original Sweetchuck persona to my Tackleberry persona. We stayed outside for the rest of the day, playing capture the flag (one flag, positioned in the center) most of the time. By the end I was diving, rolling, and skidding around like a complete fool. I took one memorable leap into a puddle at least a foot deep (hence the jeans) that seemed to amuse and confuse both my teammates and my enemies. I also took a shot right in the face that made me laugh quite a bit. (I just poked my head up, and bam!, right in the goggles. With that, we were done. I managed not to injure myself (a first) and I wasn’t even bleeding (also a first). A good time had by all, and I was quite pleased that I didn’t totally suck.

I returned home, and fell asleep for a number of hours, as I was still exhausted. Then I got up, cleaned up the kitchen from the previous evenings festivities, then parked in front of the TV and devoted the next number of hours to Zelda. I’ve received a few requests to post about past Zelda games, and my impressions/thoughts/etc.. (not that a lack of requests would have stopped me), and in a fit of unbridled nerdiness, I have agreed to do so… but not right now, cause I’m tired. For now, just know that the new Zelda does indeed still rule. One little note: Back when I was in college, my roommate Swac was into Beast Wars transformers, and I started watching when he told me how they had run across the old crashed ship where the original (Generation 1) transformers were lying dormant. I absolutely love the whole “full circle” effect that things like that have, where suddenly everything that’s happened, and will happen, and is currently happening is set into an overarching framework, and for one brief instant, everything makes sense, and you understand how it all fits together. It’s like that feeling you get a split second after a girl says she’s like to go out with you, and a split second before you never hear from her again. I love that feeling. Anyway, I’ve recently gotten to a part in Zelda where that very thing happens, and I just gazed on in giddy amazement as joyous Zelda perfection made itself known to me. It was wonderful. My joy was later dissipated when my game froze after 4 hours of exploration and discovery without saving.

Saturday night Mindy came over, and we (Mindy, Robb, Swac, and I) headed off to Damons for dinner. I had a giant steak (and then I was hungry again on Sunday. Eating is so retarded! What’s the point!?). We hung out, and watched the NCAA games. We sat between a really dorky trivia guy who insisted on reading all of the text on the screen, then making some lame comment about it, and a table of drunks with one rabid Syracuse fan. If I heard “Feel the Orange!” one more time, I will slaughter something, hopefully myself. We then returned home, and watched Ed, finally. It was wonderful, naturally. I’m in love with Carol Vessey..nuff said. There’s a fair amount of talk about the show getting canceled, and I think it goes without saying that if the show does indeed go away, I will be killing many people.

I finally did my taxes today, and Uncle Sam is writing me a check. I really ought to write out that budget before the checks arrive, but most of the things I need to plan ahead for I have a hard time believing I’ll ever need. Who needs retirement money when you go down in a hail of bullets in the office of network executives at NBC?

Oh yeah, the ice everywhere looks absolutely spectacular. Check Alan’s pictures to see. But the cold still gets the finger.

10 thoughts on “A Sling for What!?

  1. That sucks about dying after 4 hours of play. Doesn’t that game have some kind of auto save? I thought the zelda’s of the past asked if you wanted to save after you died so that you could avoid unfortunate mistakes like those.

  2. Yeah, it does let you save when you die.. but I haven’t died yet, so that hasn’t been an issue. I was just a moron and didn’t bother to take the 3 seconds to save it at any point.. and then the game froze. In the heat of the moment I may have said some things I didn’t mean, and my Gamecube is kinda pissed at me now.

  3. Wow, I want to play paintball. Do they have paint-gatlin guns? I wanna run around with a gatlin gun, with a person on the side holding my bandolier.

  4. No Gatling guns, though the fully automatics were tossing out a good 15 shots a second, and it sounded like it to (read: Scared the hell out of me). There are paint granades for sale, which I’m forced to believe are both very kewl and rather messy. I’m holding out for the paint-guided-missle, so I can play from home on my laptop, fly it over teh enemy camp, and take them all out with one strike. Though with my luck, I’d run the thing into my car or something instead.

  5. An M-1000 and a paint balloon. If you could time it right, it’d be remarkably similar to a fuel-air explosive (“the poor man’s nuke”). http://www.globalsecurity.org/military/systems/munitions/fae.htm Check out the image at the very bottom of the page and imagine it with paint :-D

    I wish Uncle Sam was sending *me* a refund this year. Instead, everything I earn over the next two weeks (I’m not joking) will be mailed off to the IRS, who presumably will give it to Colin Powell to buy more FAEs.

  6. Just out of curiosity, is “Want to hear it? Here it go” an intentional reference to the old _In Living Color_ skit with David Alan Grier as a crazy songwriter?

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