I got asked to sum up what’s been going on with Ed, and I realized I hadn’t said all that much of what’s been going on with that, and as talking about Ed is almost as enjoyable to me as talking about myself [and honestly, I use the two interchangeably a fair amount of the time] I thought I’d say a little about what was going on [with the main storyline]:
When last I updated, Ed had taken on a new assistant, Frankie. Frankie was a quirky girl, very Ed-like, with a boyfriend, Leon. Well Leon moved to Texas, I believe, and he wanted Frankie to go with. Frankie said no, and stayed in Stuckeyville. So they broke up. Later on, Leon sent her plane tickets, saying he wanted to work on their relationship. Ed suggested that she not go, reasoning that the relationship hasn’t worked to this point, and there comes a point when you need to make a clean break. So she doesn’t go… Leon sends a letter back saying they’re through for good. Frankie gets super pissed, and blames Ed. It gets complicated, as she is currently defending him in a court case, and screws up, so Ed gets pissed at her too. They of course make up by the end, and Ed begins doing his typical Ed-like things to woo her, and it works. Frankie and Leon are officially done, and Carol and Molly are bugging Ed about asking her out, but he refuses, saying that because they’re colleagues it wouldn’t work. Then comes the Lucid Dreaming episode, which I loved. In the dream, Ed was able to control certain events, and so he wanted to delve deep into himself to find out what was really keeping him from asking out Frankie. So after getting past a number of fears, and obstacles, he finally realized that he and Frankie could be really happy together…. Then [in the dream] Carol showed up [and she was smokin hot.] in this dress, and kisses him, and you can just see Ed turn to putty… and Carol explains that he’s still got this fantasy of her that he’s not at all over. So he wakes up, and after a little putzing around, he goes full tilt for Frankie, who reciprocates quite happily, and they’re like peas and carrots. [The idea being, as I understand it, that Ed has finally given up on his Carol obsession, and is moving on to new (more realistic) things].
So Ed and Frankie are together, and Carol is off having horrible dates with the school comptroller, etc. You occasionally get those scenes where Ed and Frankie are together, happy, and you flash to Carol, sad, and jealous. As the Ed and Frankie thing progresses [rapidly] it starts getting awkward in the office, and they start arguing about how their supposed to act when they’re together in a work setting. By the end of the episode, they’ve resolved the problem, and head over heals for each other just as much as ever.
The next episode, Ed volunteers to babysit Mike and Nancy’s daughter, Sarah. While it goes well at first, it quickly crashes, and he calls up Carol.. They spend the rest of the episode together, trying to take care of Sarah. And of course, they click wonderfully together, and you get that wonderful “we belong together” vibe from both of them… then Mike and Nancy return, so Ed and Carol leave.. Carol invites Ed out for coffee, but he’s got to go pick up Frankie from the airport.
[Spoiler Alert If you haven’t seen the most recent episode, you might want to avoid this section]
Frankie notices how Carol and Ed act around each other [all very “more than friends” like], and she gives him the look of death, but he doesn’t notice… but Mike does.. and lets Ed know. So that night, Frankie asks Ed what’s the deal with him and Carol. So Ed says that when he caught his wife sleeping with a mailman, he moved back to Stuckeyville, and met up with Carol, and they became good friends. She asks if he asked her out, and he said yeah, he asked her out, it didn’t happen, and that was it. So the next day, with the whole group, Frankie starts talking to Carol and Molly, saying that Ed had told her the “Ed and Carol” story. So Carol and Molly and Nancy start rattling off all the things Ed had done to win Carol over: Dressing in a suit of armor, hiring a skywriter, tossing waffles at her window, making a music video, etc.. Frankie is not pleased, and leaves.. and Ed chases after her, but doesn’t really smooth things over. The next day at work, Frankie is over it pretty much, and they make up. Meanwhile, Molly has set up Carol with a new teacher at the school. So Carol and this guy are on a date, and Ed and Frankie show up, awkward introductions are made, and Carol appears visibly sad/jealous. So later that evening, Molly visits Carol, and Carol announces she wants Ed. Carol decides that after all she’s done to dick over Ed, she’s got to do something super romantic [i.e. Ed-like] to win him over. So she makes a video where she interviews herself about Ed, and her feelings for him. It’s quite sweet. She drops the tape off on his desk at Stuckeybowl, and waits in the parking lot. Ed shows up with Frankie, and they’re all happy and in love, and Carol gets second thoughts.. so after Frankie leaves, and as Ed is about to watch the tape, Carol rushes in and stops him, gets the tape from him, and leaves. Ed’s confused, but thinks little of it, really. Ed has a talk with Frankie, then meets up with Carol, and tells her about his lucid dream experience, and then says something like this: “We can’t stay friends like this. If we stay this close, we’re always going to be in each other’s way.” Carol says she understands, but she’s crying. Ed returns to Frankie, and says he talked to Carol. She thanks him, and tells Ed something like “You know, I can be romantic too.” He says, “I know”… but takes off. Flash to the end of the next day, Ed is closing up Stuckeybowl, and finds post it notes throughout the alley. An Eye, a Can, a bumblebee, a Roman + tic, 2. Then the Hot Dogs [Frank] + E. Ed smiles, then heads outside, where a person in armor presents him with flowers.[ala the first episode of Ed] Ed smiles and says Thanks, thinking it’s Frankie. Then she takes off the helmet, and it’s Carol.. and she’s hella-hot. [We’re talking “you’ll go blind if you look directly at her she’s so hot” kinda hot]. And that’s where it ended. Previews seem to suggest that in the next two episodes, Ed has to choose between the two, as they vie for his affection and attention. Oh to be Ed…
So that’s what’s been going on with Ed.. Now here’s the problem [and the latest chapter in the “why I’m totally retarded” book]. I think I’ve been in a good mood the last week or so based mainly on this episode, and my subconscious’ belief that things that happen on Ed will, in fact, happen to me. Now my Conscious is realizing it, and logically shooting down the notion. My conscious gets the finger. You want inside? You wanna read what’s been spinning around my brain lately? Think you can handle it? You’ve been warned.
My cousin had mentioned a little while ago that she thought guys really got the short end of the stick in the whole relationship/marriage thing, cause girls are kinda bitchy, crazy, and hard to live with. That thought got stuck in my brain. So I started thinking “why is it that I’m trying to hard to win this girl over? Why am I so determined to meet someone? Is this really what I’m looking for (relationship, girlfriend, marriage, etc.), or do I just think so because it’s expected? And why do I suck so |=(_)[|andlt;!||6 much at it?” The thing I hate about these questions is that I have a hard time knowing if I’ve ever really answered them. Why do I chase after the girl, even when it seems hopeless? I dunno for sure. I just know I feel like I have to, and I’ve never felt like it wasn’t worth it. Sometimes you just know by intuition or something that that’s what you should do. [throw in a sonnet about being completely smitten in here somewhere.] And for that reason I have a real hard time pursuing anything else, cause I know my heart just wouldn’t be in it, and I’d feel like I was just using her. I really have to learn to get over myself. Sometimes, though, things just seem right. Am I really doing this because it’s what I want? Yeah, it’s what I want. There were times in past relationships when things clicked just right, and it was in those moments that I knew… I’ve said it before, but it’s that feeling that there’s someone out there that would rather be with you than with anyone else… nothing else comes close to that feeling. And having that feeling, and then losing it.. or thinking you have it, only to find out you really didn’t… words can’t do that pain justice. Why do I suck at it? Not sure, but I think I do.
In the off chance I haven’t mentioned it here before, I hate the phrase “If it was meant to be, it’ll happen“. Essentially, it’s saying “if it happens, it will have happened”, only it’s said as though it should be comforting. I’m all for God having a plan for life and all that, but to sit back and think “well, guess I don’t have a say anyway, so I’ll just wait until what I’ve got coming to me shows up” is stupid. If I slit my wrists tonight, was that “meant to be”? If it comforts you (the “meant to be” thing, not me slitting my wrists), then good for you, but I think it’s stupid.
Bottom line, I’m tired of failing, and I’m also tired of half-assing it. I’m ought to use my whole ass, or not try. I’ve grown tired of trying to do it the “right” way, but I’m also not willing to play the jackass game in the hopes that it wins me a girl. Why is it that you have to act uninterested in someone for them to be interested in you? That’s retarded. I understand that everyone desires a challenge, but shit, buy a crossword puzzle or something. Let relationships be the one time when you’re willing to let things be as easy as they appear on the surface. Here’s an idea: if someone is interested in you, and you’re interested in them, then good, just go with that. If the person you’re with makes life hell, then it’s time for something new. If you say you want to go out with someone, then dammit, go out with them. If you don’t want to, then just say no. If you want to talk to someone, talk to them. If you want to see someone, see them. Screw this fighting for leverage/hand/power thing. It’s pointless and irritating. All this to say that I’ve got nothing. Well, no, that’s not true. I’ve got the emotion without the place to put it.