You missed me.. Admit it, you did.

So many things, where to begin. A recap of the weekend, I guess. I wrote on Friday that I’m kinda retarded, but you already knew that, so that’s nothing new. That whole retarded thing will become a trend again this weekend. So Friday was work, which was uneventful for the most part. Afterwards I headed on home, and I was alone. I didn’t really want to be, but I was. So I played Metroid Prime for a while, and I’m stuck at this part: It takes about an hour to get from the save point to the room where I always die, and I can’t save it in between anywhere because then I’d have to redo everything, so it’s kinda frustrating. The problem is that there’s these guys who don’t die. You shoot them, and they look at you oddly, then create within me what I like to call “a new asshole”. I then die. According to the storyline, these guys have been “reverse engineered based on your weapons”. In other words, you’re screwed. So I played for an hour, and got to that part, and had my ass kindly handed to me, and called it good, and quit. Just then I got a call from Joel, saying that a group had met up at Tuuk and Mark’s place. So I hopped in my car and headed over. Sure enough, a big ole group was there, including Adam, jplant, Mark H, women, etc…So we hung out there for a while, watched some SNL on E!, then headed off to Mulligans. I’ve been to Mulligans a number of times, and it’s always an adventure. So this time, we got to stand around awkwardly, staring viciously at people refusing to leave their table so we could sit down. After quite some time, and some drinking, someone spotted a table, and in a flash, we had seized it. I remained at that table for a very long time. As an aside, I did manage to finally hold a match in my hand until went out. This proved both that I’m fantastically amazing, and that I’m completely retarded. So we stayed there at the bar until we were no longer allowed to stay at the bar. Before I left, I did get my traditional Flaming Dr. Pepper, because I’m a fan of setting things on fire, throwing them around, then slamming them down. Only in America!

So after Mulligans I headed on home, and watched some Home Movies, which makes perfect sense, cause it was very, very late. Eventually I drifted off to sleep, and I woke up Saturday well rested, and without any idea what I ought to do. Steve called, and I talked to him for a good long while, which was really nice, as I hadn’t really had much contact with him in a while. After that, I ended up reading Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Book 3) for a few hours, then I got another call from Joel, and I eventually headed out to GR to see Old School with Joel, Tuuk and Mark H. That movie was quite funny. Now, the majority of the “Frat University” movies follow the same basic plot (Frat becomes popular, introduced to sweet girl, Frat upsets crusty dean, dean declares war on Frat, Frat gets kicked out of school, Frat undergoes some sort of academic review, frat wins review and gets cheated, or fails just barely, small miracle occurs, Frat reinstated, Dead humiliated, cute girl hooks up with guy), but they’re still quite entertaining. And this movie was really funny. Will Ferrell is a brave and funny man.

So after the movie I headed on home, and read Harry Potter for a while. Then Robb, Swac, Mandace, and I headed off to Max and Ermas. It was the lovely Tressa’s final day for quite some time (perhaps ever?), so that was something to celebrate/commiserate over. All in all, it was a good time, and we hung out there for a few hours. Before we jetted she hooked us up with her number, and there was much rejoicing. So we went home, watched SNL, and just kinda dinked around for a while. I eventually faded off to sleep.

I woke up Sunday with a lot on my mind. I had some trouble getting to sleep the night before, as my brain was spinning on things it couldn’t solve, so those thoughts came quickly back when I woke up. I read through Ecclesiastes during church, and made special note of some verses I found interesting. Here’s some of them:

• 1:2 “Meaningless! Meaningless!”says the Teacher. “Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless.”
• 1:9 What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.
• 1:18 For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief.
• 2:15Then I thought in my heart, “The fate of the fool will overtake me also. What then do I gain by being wise?” I said in my heart “This too is meaningless.”
• 2:23 All his days his work is pain and grief; even at night his mind does not rest. This too is meaningless.
• 3:12 I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live.
• 7:15 In this meaningless life of mine I have seen both of these:a righteous man perishing in his righteousness, and a wicked man living long in his wickedness.
• 8:14 There is something else meaningless that occurs on earth: righteous men who get what the wicked deserve, and wicked men who get what the righteous deserve. This too, I say, is meaningless.
• 9:1 So I reflected on all this and concluded that the righteous and the wise and what they do are in God’s hands, but no man knows whether love or hate awaits him.
• 12:13-14 Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil.

If you’ve never read through that book, do yourself a favor and read it. It’s only 12 chapters. I was amazed the first time I really read it to see that in the Bible there was someone willing to admit that from our vantage point, most things are unfair, and most of what we do is just plain pointless. Now I turn to it whenever I need a reminder that I’m not alone in feeling that way.

So after church I didn’t have to teach, so I talked to Christy for about an hour, which is always good. Turns out my good friend (whom I’ve not seen in ages), Cody, her older brother, is engaged. As Brad also got engaged recently, that pretty much singles me out as the only guy from our youth group that isn’t set to get hitched any time soon. I guess you can choose to view that a number of ways, and I’ve chosen to view it and a complete and utter failure on my part. (The glass is half empty, and it’s probably filled with poison.) Anyway, after that, I headed home with intentions of cooking up some food and playing some Metroid. Instead, I came home, grabbed Harry Potter, and read until the book was done. That book was really, really good. As I’m already a fan of the series, I wasn’t surprised that I liked it, but the last few chapters really impressed me on a purely “this is a kewl story idea” level. I hope the 4th book continues this trend.

Sunday night I played some Settlers with the roommates, then talked to Serita for a while, which was very nice. Eventually I drifted off to sleep, only to wake up a few hours later, exhausted but unable to fall back asleep. I hate that. I have been having some odd dreams lately too. I had a dream a few days back that I was at Max and Ermass with my roommates and Mandace, and I just up and stabbed myself in the hand with a fork. I then attempted to go back to eating while blood was just flooding out of the wound. That’s kinda disturbing, isn’t it? Yeah, I’ve got problems.

Monday was work. I listened to Nine Inch Nails much of Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. It’s amazingly good stuff, but after a while, you really start to feel like your head is filled with evil, and the only way to get it out is to take a big steak knife, and jam it through one of your ears, and let it all drain out. When I hit that point, I know it’s time to put the NIN away for a little while. No one was home to get my new guitar when UPS brought it on Friday or Monday, so on the way home from work Monday I swung by UPS, and after about an hour wait, I got my new 12-String guitar. It’s beautiful. Tesla’s Love Song and Bon Jovi’s Wanted Dead or Alive have never sounded so nice. So I went to UPS and got it, and then headed on home…

An Aside

What is up with the weather!?! If it’s going to be sunny and nice looking, then be sunny and nice looking. If it’s going to be cold and miserable, then just go with that. Don’t pretend you’re going to be nice, and then *BOOM* blast us with more snow and cold and miserable and evil and bad and I hate it cause it hurts me. I can’t wait for spring.

I made it home and grabbed all the goodies I had purchased along with the new guitar (Strings, a stand, some cords, picks, a new capo, strap, etc..), then began stringing the guitar. I managed to pop a string, which shot back, caught my thumb, sliced it open, and bled all over the new guitar. That kind of thing can’t be taught.. that’s just raw retard talent right there. Anyway, as I was tuning, Cathy came over to tell of her latest zany adventure. We ordered some pizzas, and talked for a while, and played some scattergories. Eventually, she had to leave, and I headed off to my room to lift weights for a while. So I lifted, and talked to Christa for quite a while, watched some Home Movies, then pretended to sleep.

Tuesday started off pretty good. I woke up late, missed the car pool, so I took a nice long hot shower, then headed off to work.

Another Aside

I ran across this really wretched web comic about a month ago, and since then, I’ve been drawn to it like a curious gawker at a train wreck. It’s bad on so many levels that it just drags me in, begging me to just stab myself in the eyes and get it over with. To fully appreciate how vile this thing can get, you must watch this flash animation, which was the Valentine’s Day comic. Afterwards, just kill yourself. It’s easier that way.

Tuesday after work,I put in some time on the bike, then headed off to Best Buy to purchase joy. I loved Deep Space 9 and have been waiting for these DVDs for a long time. Now that there here, I am as happy as a little girl. (I’m assuming, based on the expression, that little girls are quite happy.). After snagging some Bugles from DandW, I headed off to the Pickwick and met up with the crew. Leave it to the crew to explain how even the most minor and insignificant reasons for joy can more accurately be defined as a personal failure. The Pick was good, as usual. I especially enjoyed the varying degrees of “ass” most notably the “shit ass”. (Ass –> In this context, a term of measurement defining just how bad something sucks. E.g. That song sounds like ass. “Shit ass” would then be defined as something so bad, it makes normal ass seem almost good by comparison.). After the Pick, I dropped off Tuuk, then headed home with intentions of writing a blog entry. So I got inside, got into bed, and promptly fell asleep.

While working Tuesday, Dave and I got an email from a user complaining about one of the chapters in our audio bible. You’ve really just got to hear it to understand: [Realplayer -> enter url : http://www.ronveenstra.com/images/56/isa05.rm] Pay close attention right around the 4 minute mark (on verse 24, if you wanted to follow along). The problem had since been corrected on the Bible Gateway.

That brings us to today: Wednesday. The Highlights: Joel proved to me that I suck royally at Tetris by repeatedly crushing me. I hate that game. I did some fancy php that spit out javascript that spit out html. Then got into a fun discussion/argument with Joel about rewarding people for being lazy and stupid. (An argument for making things plainly obvious and understandable for a user vs expecting a certain degree of know-how from a user.) I’m of the opinion that people are kinda stupid, and many are made so out of laziness, and are catered to too much. I’m also of the opinion that Carrot Top should be shot in the face. Afterwards, I headed on home, talked to Tressa for a lil while, then Sven and Julie (and soon after, Mindy) came on over for Ed. If you didn’t see Ed this week, you missed an amazing episode! The majority of the episode took place inside Ed’s dream, and it was both so very very funny, and such an interesting idea that I absolutely loved. They did a great job of adding the crazy random elements of a dream world, with the funny twists, one liners, and recurring gags of classic Ed, to tell a really interesting and important (plot wise) storyline. Many of you know that I tend to relate a lot of what happens in the Ed universe to my own life. Season 2 seemed to me almost like a blurry reenactment of personal events. Well, this season that’s kinda stopped, but this episode really rang true with a lot of the crazy thoughts going on in my own head, and it was really nice to see and feel that again. I also like that fact that they finally hinted back at some unresolved things that I had been disappointed to see seemingly glazed over and forgotten a number of episodes back. (Basically, Ed gave up on Carol, and it didn’t seem to affect him, or their relationship. There was a ton of awkwardness, then after a quick 2 minutes snippet, all was peas and carrots again, and I didn’t buy it. In the dream, we see that those feelings are still unresolved.) An amazing episode, and it was really great to see a really good Ed episode again.

After Ed was the traditional euchre games for a few hours. Then they all took off, and I headed off to bed, which of course meant watching The West Wing and writing this until 4 in the morning. So yeah, that was that.

I was sorting through some of my files on my computer a while ago, and ran across something I had written many, many years ago. It should be noted that I very rarely get rid of things on my computer, as I am certain that at some point I’ll wish I had kept it. I just keep buying bigger hard drives, and burning backup cds. It’s a sad obsession that’s paid off more times than it’s hurt, so I see no signs of it changing. Anyway, I found something titled “Ron’s Rules”, and I figured I’d check out what my teenage self had written, and it turns out I had some pretty good ideas (I think) back then about how to live. I’ve cleaned up the language slightly, but the file said pretty much this:

Ron’s Rules

1. Be true to yourself.
2. More often then not, You’ll be wrong.
3. More often then not, other people will be wrong.
4. If you say you’re going to do something, do it.
5. Your memory isn’t that good.. write it down.
6. It will not all work out in the end, you have to make it work.
7. If you don’t have a reason to get out of bed, don’t.
8. If it’s really dumb and not worth thinking about, quit thinking about it.
9. If you’re not sure, don’t say it.
10. Time helps.
11. Things change.
12. You can count on people… Just be sure you know which ones.
13. Being honest is more important that being nice.
14. Never give up. Never.
15. Don’t change yourself just because someone else wants you to. Your the one who has to live with yourself later.
16. Things that you have no control over will not be affected by how much you worry about them.
17. The order of things: Live an upright, Godly life. Stay Sane. Fulfill your responsibilities, Enjoy life.

I’ve highlighted two of them, because, for me at least, these two are always closely linked, and all these years later I still totally suck at keeping them. I’m forever cursed by the “it seemed like the right thing to do at the time” syndrome. Now we’re not talking about me waking up with prostitutes or giving nuclear secrets to the Russians or anything with worldly ramifications, but just the stupid little things that tend to make my days (and other people’s days) less pleasant, cause I can’t keep my mouth shut, or the things I say just come out wrong. About 5 years ago, after watchng Gulliver’s Travels, I decided that I’d pause before speaking, so as to filter out the most retarded things I might have instantly said. (if you’ve seen the movie, that probably makes sense. If you haven’t, you really should, because it’s excellent) And so far that’s gone pretty well. It’s those things that seem like good things to say up until about 5 seconds after you’re done saying them that I still have a real hard time filtering out.

Now, it goes without saying that I also still suck at 8 and 16, but I think that they were put in there as more wishful thinking than anything else. I’m going to overthink things until the day I die, I’m sure. There have been occasions when it’s been helpful, but they’re rare. Very rare.

I’ve been thinking about changing my room around for the last month or so. One would think that something so relatively unimportant wouldn’t take so long to plan ahead for, but you’ve got to understand that I tend to hate change. For the past 12 years or so, I’ve tried to keep my room (well, any room that I use that I have at least some control over, like my bathroom, or my current kitchen and living room) well organized and consistent, so that I could find pretty much anything I needed to in the dark, without having to search around for hours. There’s just something nice and comforting about knowing where everything is, as though you’ve got this small haven where everything obeys you, and you can enjoy complete control. I guess I see ignorance as a loss of control, even if it’s just not knowing where duct tape is [closet, right side, first shelf, but the Windex.]

All this segues nicely to the next thing: Joel introduced me to m@b the other day. It can best be described as a blog in comic strip form. I think it’s both brilliant and funny. So I quickly became a huge fan, and now hope to throw a handful of non-budgeted money at him in hopes of acquiring just about anything he has to sell. Anyway, I was reading through his stuff the other night, and I came upon this, which made me laugh for a while, and then I just stopped:

So I got a new toy coming in 2 to 5 days. So, as you can tell, my budget is going well…

A strange thing happened to me today at Max and Ermas. It’s a Saturday, and as such I knew they’d be busy. I showed up around 7, and the place was packed. I put my name in, and all that, then just headed to the bar. I was meeting Sven and Julie there, but they had some things to finish before they were gonna head over, so I was expecting a decent sized wait before they showed too, but I didn’t care much. I’m good with just kinda sitting around and people watching… especially when there’s a decent enough sized crowd to watch. There were a few seats open at the bar, so I grabbed a seat, got a beer, and started watching the news. After 5 minutes or so, the manager noticed me, and headed over, and we talked for a while, which was nice. I talked to the bartender for a while, too. So far so good. Then 2 ladies, both around 40 years old I’d guess, walked into the bar. There were at this time 2 seats open, one on either side of me. The 1st lady approached me, and asked if the seats were saved for anyone. Knowing that Sven and Julie wouldn’t be around for a while, I said that they were not, and offered to scoot down one for them. She said that I could sit between them if I’d like. I opted to scoot one down.

The ladies sat down, and the lady sitting nearest to me began talking about how cold it was. I assumed she was talking to her friend, so I paid little attention. She then said something like “but why bother going outside when there are cute guys like this in here.” I noticed she was looking at me. Let me repeat something I said previously: “2 ladies, both around 40 years old I’d guess, walked into the bar..” I smiled, said thank you, and returned to watching the news. The lady started talking to me. She asked if I was waiting for someone, so I said that I was. She then went on a fairly winding diatribe about something, I can’t remember what, though I recall it being slightly creepy. Then the lights dimmed (as they do at a certain times), and she said it was romantic, like candles. She then went on for a while about how girls like candles. It was fairly obvious by this point that simply trying to ignore the lady wasn’t going to do anything, so I figured I’d just talk to her til Sven and Julie showed up.. it couldn’t take that long, right? So we talked about candles for a while. (Apparently lavender candles soothe the soul, and the really expensive triple wick ones burn straight down, rather than just burn little holes.. but only if you burn them for 4+ hours at a time.) Slowly the conversation turned slightly less creepy, and I figured she was just one of those talkative people that inevitably sits next to or near you on an airplane all the time. She then asked what I did, and where I worked, and where I went to school, etc… and it started to get creepy again. She asked if I had a card. That snippet of conversation went something like this:

Woman : So, do you a business card? I could email you sometime.

Me : I don’t have a card, sorry.

Woman : But you have an email address, right?

Me : That I do.

Woman : But you’re not going to give it to me?

Me : Yeah… probably not.

Woman’s Friend : laughing hysterically

This conversation lasted for a little while longer. She talked about the beer she was drinking, and how it had the lowest carbohydrate and calorie content of any beer. She then wanted to know what kind of beers I liked (Planning ahead for our date, I’m assuming). Eventually, she and her friend were ready to order, and she suggested that I order too, and we could all eat together. Just then Sven and Julie showed up, and I said I’d be fine just eating with them. End tally: She called me cute 5 times, forced me (and I mean forced) to have a taste of her beer, and generally creeped me out for a solid half an hour. Bottom line, Once my standards drop a bit more, I’m all set.

I watched How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days today, and it was pretty good. Here’s the part that I found most funny. Basic concept: a girl does everything that women do wrong in relationships trying to drive the man away. Well one of the things she did was bring over a plant as “a symbol of [their] love”. Some will recall the “love plant” I was given by Julie early in our relationship. The speech given in the movie as to the importance and symbolism of said plant was almost word for word what Julie had said. I laughed very, very hard. (Incidentally, in my case, that damn plant refused to die no matter what I did to it. I took profound joy in watching it shrivel up and die after plummeting from my balcony.) So I have emotional problems, big deal..

While I was sitting at Max and Ermas (before the little adventure), I came to the realization that one of the reasons I liked the place so much is that it reminded me a bit of school. Not in the “I’m a kid going to classes, yada” kind of way, but the feeling that you were kind of known there. There were the people you knew well, and called by name. Then there are the people you recognize, and recognize you, but you aren’t really friends with them or anything. The kind of people you’ll give a smile to when you pass them in the hall, but you wouldn’t stop and talk to or anything. That’s something I don’t really have anymore. At work, pretty much everyone knows everyone, and outside of that, where, really, do I go? At Max and Ermas I’m actually among peers, for the most part, and it just feels nice to be recognized by most of them. I’m a big believer in the idea that Belonging is one of the main goals of a person’s life. Throughout life you’re just trying to find places where you feel like you belong. From your family, to your group of friends, to your career and co-workers, to eventually a family of your own, then the process begins anew. So for me, as sad as it may seem to some, Max and Ermas is just one of those places where I feel like I fit in. And the sad news: Tressa is taking a leave of absence, as her student teaching/full time teaching starts up soon. Next weekend is her last weekend for a while. The only constant is change.

I was talking to Tuuk the other day online, and asked me some pretty hard-hitting questions that got me thinking. I had mentioned that for the most part I was in a good mood, and that when I was out with other people I was generally happy, it was just when I was alone, and reflecting on things that I get down on myself and my situation. He asked if I was truly happy, or just good at masking the fact that I wasn’t. It’s something I’ve asked myself a number of times as well, never with a definitive answer. My take on it right now (which is destined for scrutiny or doubt, I’m sure) is that when I’m out and about, with people and generally having a good time, is a more accurate picture of how I really am on the inside than is my occasional rant or even more occasional period of self loathing. I think there’s a decent chunk of me that’s just so used to the self loathing and depression (almost all of High School, and much of college was spent stuck in this mood, after all), that I’m not exactly certain how I’m supposed to act when I’m alone. I’m actually fine with being by myself. I’ve spent significant portions of my time since moving to Michigan alone, and I’m not just talking about sleep. It’s when I’m alone and feel like I’m not supposed to be… like Friday nights or something, that I start to questions things, and then slide into what I’m most familiar with and comfortable with: “the funk” (The Funk -> The background music in most cheap porno movies. When in reference to my mood, that depressed/self pity/whiny mood that is often accompanied by much introspective pissed off rant writings, pacing, and the invention of many a Grandiose Experiment.). it may be that I’ve just been in a good mood lately (which is odd, given today’s near proximity to Valentine’s Day and all, but I just feel like for the most part I’m in a pretty good mood. I focus a lot on the negatives when I write, because I find it funnier. And when I talk or tell stories or joke about things it takes a negative spin often, but again, I find it funny. What’s funnier, a clever pun, or the misery of someone else? I think we both know the answer to that one.

I am writing this post on my laptop, which is now connected via a snazzy wireless router. Thus far I love it. No more ugly blue wire running across half of my room, and I can roam on into the living room and work by the fire for a few hours during the day. An aside: I refuse to live anywhere that lacks a fireplace. Possible exception: Living someplace where 50 degrees F is considered “very cold”. I hate cold.. I really do. So if the two girls living in the apartment below us happen to be advanced cryptographers, they can probably score a free Internet connection off of us now.

Now that wiring up my room is no longer as big an issue, I’d like to rearrange my room. I’m working on whipping up some sort of program that’ll let me layout my room, and move stuff around to see how things fit. Seems like a good misuse of my time. I figure if I add that too the fact that I’ve got 50+% of Metroid Prime to beat in 1 day, I should have no problem getting it all done. If I can figure it out, though, i might put something on the site. We’ll see.

An Introduction

So there I was, sitting in my room, alone and miserable, sick of snow and cold and winter and everything. So I started writing, because that’s what I do, thinking longingly back to the lovely days of yore, when the sun shone, birds sang, and cars were not encased in a block of ice every morning. So I eventually got onto a rant that many (myself included) would most adequately describe as “whining”.. Anyway, I figured I’d try to salvage it, but I don’t think I did all that great a job. Long story short: It’s hard to write a pissed off rant when you’re no longer pissed off, and it’s hard to sound hopeless when your just not. Anyway, with that warning, feel free to read some ranting. Take it with a grain of salt. I refuse to reread it, cause I think I’d just delete the thing, but I have this stupid rule about things like that. Anyway, swallow, choke, and die.

Comfortable silences

Talking to Cathy the other day, she brought up a very interesting topic of conversation: (Un)Comfortable Silences. Her statement was something like this: (in reference to dating, and ultimately, being married to someone) Don’t you worry that you’ll run out of things to talk about?. Now, the line in Pulp Fiction is that “you know you found somebody special when you can just [shut up] for a minute, and comfortably share silence.” I think there’s a lot of truth in that. I am (and it turns out Cathy was as well) one of those people that would write out things to say on the phone (ala George when calling his parents on Seinfeld) when I was going to call someone, especially a girl. When I was seeing Sarah, she was very big into the not speaking at all for long stretches, then complaining that I didn’t talk, so I’d plan ahead and made up lists of things to say. Thankfully that period ended eventually, and she moved from silence to long colorful conversations, berating me, my appearance, and my social skills. She was a sweet girl. But thinking about this while talking to Cathy, and then later on that evening when I was alone, I was struck by two things: 1) the people that I can just talk to, without any preplanned conversations or lists, are the ones that I really feel I connect with, and enjoy talking to, and actually want to talk to.. often. I have this friend, Molly. And the day I met her (She, Tim, and I went to see the Mr. Bean movie), we talked for hours. We were instantly friends, and I knew I’d enjoy talking to her, and I still do, though I don’t do it near often enough. Sometimes you just know.. Things just click.. and the silences don’t seem as awkward.. at least they didn’t to me. I think dates are a bit different, though. The entire thing, early dates anyway, is much more a show, or a series of high-pressure speeches than it is a comfortable conversation seeking to get to know one another (From this you can gather that many of my “first dates” were not all that wonderful.) Silences are like failures. Like after x number of years, you are unable to entertain a lady for even a few hours, you pathetic, pathetic loser. 2.) The people that I can’t “just talk to”, and no longer even find the desire to prepare conversations in advance for, aren’t worth it.

Names

I seem drawn to uncommon names. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that the name hasn’t yet been tarnished by some idiot from my past. Example: I knew this kid when I was really young, Paul. For reasons unclear, he destroyed my playhouse one day when he came over to my house to play. Now I associate the name “Paul” with “jerk”. Seems fairly straightforward, yes? There are some names that I now just hate, and so meeting someone new with that name is awkward, because I’m already predisposed to not liking the person. (Incidentally, I think it is for this reason that I like to either give or use nicknames for people I know.) I think I’ve got a fairly good name. Sure there are plenty of “Ron”s out there, but not a ton. Odds are, most people know one, or maybe two. But for much of my life, if someone said “Ron”, everyone knew they were talking about me. (Except for 2 strange years in elementary school, where Veronica Shanoff decided to be called “Ronnie” and made everything very confusing.) But an uncommon name, that’s brand new territory. That person has it all to themselves, and can shape it however they’d like. There’s something very appealing about that. So to all the Rons out there, don’t taint my name.. I can do that just fine on my own.

Dreams

Here’s something I’ve been wrestling with for a while (While = more or less my whole life, but it’s become more relevant the past few years.) At what point should you just give up on your dreams? It seems like one of those things that just kind of happens naturally as we get older, but sometimes it requires a conscious decision. Back when I lived in Cleveland, I played baseball as often as I could. We had a group of guys who got together most every day, and during the summer, we played baseball for hours. Now there eventually came the point where I knew enough to know that unless something extraordinary happened, I would not be the starting shortstop for the Cleveland Indians, but my friend Gary Worthy and I had other plans: We wanted to be the radio broadcasters for the Tribe. And we worked at it. When we played, we’d be announcers for each other (yeah, the other guys hated it.). We listened to games whenever we could. We even did research on certain sayings (like “Touch them all time”, which we always thought was “a touch of Old time” -> meaning a Home Run). Anyway, here I am, a computer programmer in Michigan. What the hell happened? When did I suddenly decide “I’m not going to do that, I’m going to do this.”? It wasn’t an active decision, it just kinda happened. Do I wish I was a baseball commentator? Sometimes.. but not often. I’m more or less happy with where I work. (the job, not the location. Muskegon is a hole that even Hell wouldn’t like). But here I am. I know there are other dreams and aspirations that I have. So many of the things that seemed so important to me before now sit unfulfilled. What guarantees do I have that the things I want now will ever happen? And is it because I come to a point where I no longer desire them, or do I just reach a point where I realize that the effort required to achieve them is beyond my means? I think life teaches us, and has taught me, that some dreams aren’t worth the amount of work required to achieve them. But what about the dreams that we deem worth the effort? At what point should you, as a sane and logical person, say “you know, I’ve been fighting for this for a long time, and I don’t believe that I’m getting any closer. Maybe I should quit.” And if you say that, does it mean you don’t want it enough anymore? There are so many things in life where you can adequately gage where you are in regard to achieving your goal. Even in a marathon, when the endline is miles beyond your sight, you can at least note that you’re making some progress. But then there are things where you have no clue. You might be miles away, you might be a few feet. It all looks the same.

Now take that whole thing, and add to it this: What if the goal can never be fully achieved. I don’t think happiness can be achieved. Happiness isn’t a goal, or an accomplishment. And even though that’s been said to me a million times, I think I’ve been told just as many times that it is. I think I’ve told myself it a million times. If I had a girlfriend, I’d be happy. If I bought more things, I’d be happy. If I learned to just accept things for what they are, I’d be happy. Do I think happiness (for me) can be achieved if certain events happened? No I do not. (But I think it’d help) Do I think happiness (for me) can be reached internally with the proper outlook, attitude, and understanding? Nope. (But I think it’d help a lot) The way I see it, at this moment, I can only be happy in the past tense. Was I happy my Senior year of College? Yes I was. It was great. Now, if I traveled back in time, got my college senior self, and asked him that question while I was still in College, what would I say? “Am I happy? Nope. My company went out of business, or I’m dating some messed up girl, or my classes suck, or my roommates are idiots”… yada yada yada. There have been times when I was happy and knew it at the time… but I think most of the time I just demand too much from a situation. I focus on the negative too much. It’s afterwards, when the minor annoyances are forgotten, that I look back and say “that was a lot of fun”. How do I fix that? I’m not certain. Make it a goal, then work at it, I guess. I think I’ve already made decent strides. I no longer believe my life to be cursed (Though certain strings of bad luck certainly ought to qualify me for some mention in Guinness. I also realize that I’m actually doing pretty well, thus far. I’m pleased with the person that I currently am. (or will be, once Body-for-Life makes me an Adonis). Maybe I just need to spend a bit more time in Umland.

Valentine’s Day

I’ve officially given up on trying to make Valentine’s Day a good day. I’ve tried, quite hard actually, for the past 8 or 9 years to make the day not suck, and each year it sucks. The suckatude seems inversely proportional to the effort invested, so I figure if I just ignore the day (well, besides the traditional donning of the black outfit) then maybe it won’t be bad. Seems to me, if you’re lucky enough to have somebody special, you ought to let her or him know it as often as possible. And if you don’t, why wait til a “special” day to try to do something about it (or torture yourself because of it). [an update: Apparently I managed to laugh at least 2 or 3 times within the first 30 minutes of Valentine's Day, so I think that's something. Thank you, I really enjoyed it. ]

So I’ll start with a quick recap of past events. Adam has already mentioned some things, and I’m certain Joel will have something to say about it soon enough, but anyway, here’s it is.

Monday was typical, with a few exceptions: 1) I had started that diet dealie, so I was eating more.. or at least that’s what I thought I was going to be doing. It turns out that those portions aren’t very big. So I woke up, and had a “meal”, then headed on to the meeting point. By the time I got there, I was starving. Now this is something new for me. I recall being hungry a few times in the past. Perhaps I had forgotten to eat for a day or two, or that period of time between ordering and actually receiving an Aurelio’s pizza. Then there was that day my young people’s group went on a day long canoe trip, and I didn’t eat before. I recall being quite hungry then. But here I was, having eaten plenty on Sunday, and after one small meal on Monday, I was already starving. It was an odd, and frightening omen.

We get to work, and all is fine. I’m hungry, but oh well. It turns out that coffee and hot chocolate are not “Authorized” consumables. I had wisely gotten myself addicted to coffee at Apachecon, and have been using said beverage to resurrect my sad soul each morning. So without any morning beverage, I was kinda out of it for a while.(Morning Beverage –> Take 1 part caffeine, 3 parts sugar, combine, heat, then stir. Taste is irrelevant.). We did the normal 2 episodes of Scrubs for lunch as well, which continues to be one of the high-points of the day. Work itself continues to go fairly well. I’m doing a lot of PHP and Perl coding, and it’s finally to the point where I can just sort of imagine what the PHP ought to look like (e.g. there ought to be a function named foo that does bar) and be right most of the time. I like that. It’s also nice finally getting things organized. Some day in the future, when someone asks a question about copyrights, publishers, or available versions, it won’t send me scrambling for piles upon piles of papers stacked in a file cabinet somewhere, I’ll be able to click on a link, and show them. And then, my mission on this planet having been completed, I will likely simply burst into flames and disappear, to return only when my services are once again needed.

So where was I? Oh yeah, work. So the rest of work was alright. Every time I started to get pretty hungry it was time for another “meal”, which satiated me for a good 5 or 6 minutes, and I’m fairly certain I was eating more than I was supposed to for some of those meals anyway. (for lunch I had 4 lean Ham on wheat sandwiches and some Mandarin oranges.). So we headed home, and then I had to figure out the whole weight lifting deal (what exercises I was going to be doing, etc.) I finally got that figured out, and then lifted for a while, took a shower, and right around then Cathy came over. So I spent the rest of the evening hanging out with her, and Robb, and for a part of the time Swac. Conversations with Cathy are always a treat, because she’s willing to be honest about everything, which I’ve found is pretty rare. She’s willing to say things about herself that she knows aren’t necessarily good or right, but are, nevertheless, true. That kind of honestly makes it a lot easier for someone else, (i.e. Me) to then go ahead and say what’s going on in my mind, knowing full we that if other people were to hear these kind of things I’d be either ostracized or ridiculed mercilessly. It helps that both Cathy and I are classic over-analyzers, putting the weight of the world on our shoulders with every situation, certain that its failure will mean the destruction of mankind, and never quite satisfied with its success. I’ve known Cathy for a few years now, and her encouragement and support through the past few years, and the past year in particular, has really helped me through some pretty trying and frustrating times. If you’re lucky enough to get a Cathy in your life, it’s your responsibility to make sure she stays in your life.

So Tuesday morning I woke up… late. I ended up watching a few Home Movies before going to sleep, and perhaps that wasn’t wise. Oh well. Thankfully, Dave and Joel were running a little behind, so we met up at the meeting point as normal, and then Joel drove us all to work. I again bemoaned my lack of a morning beverage, but the hunger thing wasn’t nearly as bad by Tuesday. I spent all day Tuesday answering email, as I’d been putting that off for a while to work on more interesting things. Back in the day, when I was handling a lot more email each day, I’d get pretty frustrated and angry at humanity (well, the vocal-idiotic portion of humanity, which, sadly, seems to be a pretty healthy chunk of the world), and it would come to the point where I’d have to write two emails to a number of people. The first was a direct response to them, pointing out why what they said was either wrong, flawed, or just plain asinine. Having completed this email, I’d delete it, and then compose the actual reply, thanking them for “their interest in the Bible Gateway.”. It’s the laziness of people that gets to me sometimes. I understand and accept the fact that not everybody understands everything, or can figure everything out. I also understand that if there is a sizable portion of the population that can not use or can not understand something I am responsible for, then it was my failure, and not theirs. That’s all fine and good, and I can handle that. But if you are sending me an email asking a question, and that exact word for word question is printed in Big Bold letters directly above the form in which you filled out your question, I’ll be forced to hate you forever. I’m very thankful that I’ve now got Dave to weed out a lot of these wretched emails, leaving me to answer mainly technical, audio, and copyright type questions, but every now and then I get one that sends up a warning flare. “Don’t make me angry. You..wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.“

So I spent all day answering email, which was fine. For lunch it was more Scrubs, and I had a Spicy Chicken sandwich (just the chicken, and lettuce on wheat bread) and it was wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. (BDF let me have one of his fries, and the joy experienced by eating it was nothing short of orgasmic… See, I’ve gone and shared too much now, haven’t I?)

Eventually it was time to go, so we packed up and headed to Joel’s car. Soon after we started out, I fell asleep, which was nice, because ever since the whole ditch incident I’ve not been able to sleep in the car: every slight slide or turn sending my heart racing. I woke up to us stopped on the side of the road. I was confused. Joel mentioned something about oil lights and so forth. I still had no clue where we were. Turns out we were on I-96 Eastbound, about a mile short of the Alpine exist (and my car.) It was starting to snow. So after some talking, Dave called up his insurance, as they did the road side dealie, and after about 10 minutes of talking, he had a tow truck on route to us (so we were told). It would take 60 minutes, he was told, for it to arrive. It was snowing hard. After some more waiting, and more talking, we decided on a plan. I would get a ride from someone, go to Joel’s house, and when he and Dave had been towed to a car fix-it place, I’d pick them up, and take them back to Joel’s house. Sounds fine and dandy. So eventually we got a hold of Brian, and he showed up, picked me up, and we took off. Turns out the road* was horrible. Horrible. (* I can not with certainty say that where we were driving was the road. We made it alright, so I’m just assuming it was). So he got me to Home Depot, helped me brush off (aka: shovel out) my car, and off we went. I headed towards Joel’s place, and the roads were still bad, but thankfully 196 was completely abandoned. I got a call from Joel, and he gave me directions to some car fix-it place, and I kinda understood it. I took the College exit, and then took a right on Michigan. From that point on everything became a bit sketchy, as road signs were no longer readable. Eventually I headed down a fairly steep hill (I think I was on Bridge street), and after I got into a “seedier” part of town, I decided I was lost, and turned around. Just then I got a call from Joel, indicating that the place I was heading towards (in theory) no longer exists, and that I should go somewhere else. He then explained where the place was, and it was back by his house. As I got off the phone, I approached that hill…

When I lived in Cleveland, our house was on top of a fairly steep hill. Our driveway was very, very steep. In the winter, snow would fall, and the driveway would get slick and icy. Driving up this driveway was an adventure. Sometimes the adventure ended with the car still at the bottom of this hill. Sometimes the adventure takes a very, very long time.

So I approached this hill with trepidation. After stopping at the red light at the base of the hill, I started on up, moving slowly. As I continued up, my progress seemed to slow, regardless of my acceleration. Weaving back and forth in increase traction worked for a little while, but eventually, I just wasn’t moving forward at all… and then I started sliding backwards. I was not pleased. Hazards went on, and I threw it in park. The car behind me started to pass me, but quickly found the error of his ways, as he started sliding backwards as well. So I put it back in drive, and made amazing progress in the wrong direction. Back in park. Some words were said, feelings were hurt, but I think my car and me are back on speaking terms. Third time being a charm, I slid it into drive, only I stopped in reverse for a second, and my car jumped backwards a bit, and I felt some traction, so I pounded it into drive, and gunned it, and the car bolted forward, and I was off, the momentum carrying me much of the way up the hill. From that point on, traffic lights were optional. If I was going downhill, I’d try to stop for a light, but if I slid by, it wasn’t a big deal. Uphill, I didn’t even pretend. Soon I was back in familiar ground, and I found the place, and picked up Joel and Dave. From there it was off to Joel’s house, where Dave took off. Adam, Joel, and I walked to Tuuk and Mark’s place, and the other Mark was present. I watched myself rise and fall from glory while playing Super Bust-A-Move 2. Sometimes it’s frustrating to realize how stupid I can be. While we were inside the wind really started to pick up. I’m not talking just little gusts, either, there were whole piles of snow that were completely relocated. With this in mind, we thought it a wise idea to walk/run to the Pickwick. The run was actually fun, but very, very cold. Because it was so windy, gasping for breath resulted in little more than hurt lungs. Eventually we made it to the Pick, and enjoyed our well deserved reward, and after an hour or so, walked back to Tuuk and Mark’s, and then back on to Joel’s house. Throughout this evening, I was quoted as saying “I’m not going in to work tomorrow.”. After losing repeatedly to Joel in Tetris, I headed off to sleep.

I woke up to the phone ringing sometime after 6. It was Brian. We would not have to go in to work today, we could work from home. There was much rejoicing. After some more sleep, I got to work. Dave showed up, and so he and I worked in Joel and Adam’s living room much of the day. (I had nicely parked in front of Adam, so he was unable to drive to work as well. Yeah, he was appreciative.) I finally made it home around 3 or so, did some more work, ate some meals, lifted weights for a while, then headed off to Steve and Julie’s place for Ed, which was pretty good. Then we played euchre for a while, and I headed on home, After failing to sleep, I started to watch some West Wing episodes I’d not yet had a chance to watch. That leads us to the present, as I’m nearing the end of the 2nd episode, and I’m quite tired. Once it’s done, hopefully I’ll go to sleep.. so I’m going to stop.

Brace yourself…

My Week

Monday: Work. We’ve been watching Scrubs episodes on the projection screen during lunch, and that show is still amazingly funny, even when I’ve seen these episodes 2 or 3 times in the past month. That’s the sign of a good show. Joel and I have been keeping up the “eating fruit with each meal” thing, and it makes lunch suck a lot less. then something. I think I played Metroid Prime for a few hours. By the way, that game continues to be excellent. It’s everything I wanted Starfox Adventures to be, but wasn’t. Giant landscapes, non-linear maps, a vast array of enemies, all with specific strengths and weaknesses, challenging bosses with complex strategies for defeating them, multiple weapons with actual differences between them, puzzles that aren’t easily solved by blind sea-monkeys, a plotline that is both followable and seemingly relevant (i.e. you actually desire to perform the mission you’ve been assigned. I was fine with letting them dinosaur planet freaks fry, I didn’t care.), suspense that is actually suspenseful, and a soundtrack that I would love to listen to apart from that game. It’s just that good. So I’m thinking I did something else on Monday… I watched Happy Texas, then I think I listened to the Donnie Darko audio commentary (the 1st one). It was excellent. So that started at about 1, so I got to sleep sometime after 3. I’m a genius.

Tuesday: Work. We watched more Scrubs, and by now we’d gathered quite a group that was watching (9, I think..). One thing I don’t like about my job is that there are occasions where all of my work depends or waits upon someone else from some other company doing something first. I’m the type of guy that wants things to get done, so I can cross them off my list. If things just kinda sit around for a while because of someone else’s inadequacies, inefficiencies, or stupidity, I get upset and impatient. I can handle it if it’s something that’s complex and could take a long time. But if it’s merely sending me something you’ve got just sitting there, and you just “didn’t get around to it” for a month, I’m going to hate you. It’s that simple. If everybody does what they’re told, no one will get hurt. So after work I was home for a short bit, then the Pickwick, which was good stuff. No Alan or Adam though. And even without Adam, Home Movies was the topic of discussion for quite some time. Mark does a wicked Coach McGuirk. After the Pick, I headed on home, and eventually faded off to sleep, though I think I talked to Christa into the early hours of the morning. I did that a few times that week, and which day was which is a little hazy.

Wednesday: Work. We ended up watching more Scrubs episodes, but to do so we had to take lunch quite late (1ish), which makes the 2nd half of the work day go by quite fast. (consequently, the morning seemed strangely longer. go figure). Anyway, after work, it was a new Ed. For those of you not keeping up with the series, I’ll bring you up to speed: There’s a new girl, Frankie, that’s joined Ed’s law practice as Ed’s law partner (seems like she slides between partner and assistant. She does the work of an assistant, but they call each other partner. You get the basic idea, It’s still Ed’s practice, but she’s a really good lawyer too, or something like that. So she’s got a boyfriend, but you’ve only seen him once, and you know he serves no real purpose other than to allow her and Ed to get close quickly without there being that “why aren’t they dating already” sexual tension that would otherwise be there. Well, she hasn’t broken up with her boyfriend yet, but it’ll happen eventually. (if I had a dollar for every time I’ve said that sentance..) Anyway, about once per episode for the last month or so, you get the scene when Ed, Carol, and Frankie are in the same room, and Frankie and Ed connect on something for some reason, and you get the happy music turning sad, and you zoom in on Carol looking uncomfortable and kinda sad. Now, I want Ed to hook up with Carol, and if he hooks up with Frankie I’ll be kinda pissed, even though I actually really like her. But at the same time, it’s nice to see Ed finally happy, cause he’s spent the last season and a half completely miserable, and he deserves better than that. But at the same time, Ed said some things a number of episodes ago that still have me quite angry with him, so who knows. Meanwhile, Molly is now the principal at the school, and has made it her mission to help a student geek fit in better at school, and at the same time, is working on hooking up with this kid’s dad. (He’s a fireman). Dr. Mike Burton has given up his own practice, and rejoined Dr. Jerome, but now and a full fledged partner. We haven’t seen Warren in forever, and that makes us sad. Up to speed? Excellent. So I watched Ed with Mindy, then she and I watched Citizen Kane, which I had never seen before. Now, just due to pop culture references, I knew what Rosebud was (Animaniacs lyric: There was a sled named Rosebud and a Citizen named Kane. He rode it til the snow was melted now he’s singing in the rain.. Yes, I know both the whole song, and the whole album by heart. You doubt me? United States, Canada, Mexico, Panama, Haiti, Jamaica, Peru. Republic Dominican, Cuba, Caribbean, Greenland, El Salvador too. Don’t make me continue. Nobody wants that.) Anyway, that mystery I already knew, so about halfway through the movie I wasn’t sure if I liked it, and if so, how much. But the end I had decided that it was an excellent movie, and that Orson Welles did an amazing job. It’s not a movie I’d watch over and over again.. it’s no Donnie Darko. But it was quite good, and I’m glad I finally watched it. After that, I went to sleep, which was weird, cause it wasn’t that late.

Thursday: Work from home day. I woke up around 7:30, which is just unheard of on a Thursday. I shoot for the “wake up at 8 o’clock on the dot”, then work for 2 or 3 hours before I even both to shift my position in bed. But I was feeling energetic. (Any attempt to link this to the “I went to bed earlier the night before” will fail miserably, so don’t even try it. I probably woke up Wednesday night later on and talked online or something anyway) So I worked, and cleaned, trimmed my hair up a bit. (It still need work), I cleaned out my closet. Here’s the deal: I never sought to be a nerd.. that wasn’t one of those things I was striving to achieve before I turned 25 or something. Thus my apparent success at doing so is a bit… um… puzzling? I present to you people’s exhibitsA and B Yeah, pretty damning evidence. Add in my bookshelf filled with Star Wars and Star Trek books, and you’ve got the total package. Since I’m liking to pictures, check out This. It’s adorable.

So Thursday night, Joel, Tuuk, and Adam headed on over to my place, and then we all took off for Max and Ermas. Now, I knew I was in for some ridicule, but was still hoping that there would be at least some sign that I was known fairly well at this place, as I talk about it quite a bit. I used to go on Thursdays a fair amount, whether I was having lunch or dinner with Kristin, or Mindy, etc. But I haven’t been there on a Thursday in a while, and I wasn’t sure who would be working, though I knew Tressa would not be. So we show up, and I knew the hostesses, so I requested a table for 4, and we waited. The fact that we had to wait didn’t go without comment… Anyway, eventually the hostess, Karen, calls for “Ron”, and we sit down. Turns out our server was Annie. Annie was training under Tressa at least a month and a half or so ago, and was introduced to my roommates and me then. So she shows up, sees me, and asks “So, do you miss Tressa?” Classic. From that point on, the comments continued from my 3 dinner companions, but it no longer mattered, as my reputation as Max and Ermas devotee had been secured. The things some people choose to be proud of.. sad, isn’t it? I still find it charming. So after a fine meal, we headed to my place. Adam took off, [insert demeaning joke about Adam here], So Tuuk, Joel, and I played Trivial Pursuit for a while. Mandace and Swac showed up, and later Cathy joined us as well, And we started up The Shining. That movie is quite disturbing. That’s the kind of movie I find scary. Not the slasher, kill billions of people and people jumping around corners all the time, but the constantly building suspense, followed by brief flashes of disturbing images. When the kid was just riding around on his big wheel, you almost die with each turn he takes, not daring to know what terror lies ahead. And those twins…The twins in and of themselves were frightening, but then it got worse.. much worse. My hats off to Jack Nicholson for playing his role so effectively and convincingly. There just seems to be something off with him to begin with.. like his smile always seems half crazy to begin with. So for him to play a man who goes crazy seems like a perfect fit, and he does an outstanding job. I highly recommend this movie to anyone who hasn’t yet seen it.

Friday: Friday was work. For lunch we went to Pizza Hut, which was fun as usual. We stayed at work unusually late, then headed on home. I logged some more time on Metroid Prime, then headed off to GR, and met up with the group (Joel, Mark, Tuuk, Jplant, Adam, the Other Mark, et. al.) at Mulligans, and stayed there for quite some time. Then Jeff took me to Joel’s, Adam hooked me up with a blanket and I was asleep instantly.

Saturday: I woke up around 10 or 10:30, and headed on home. I played Metroid Prime for a few more hours until a headache became too much to bear. So I did some cleaning, then headed off to Meijer to purchase food for a new diet/workout routine I’m starting. Jay and SteveR at work are doing this Body for Life diet, and I’ve decided to give it a go as well. The basic idea, as I understand it, is that I have to eat 6 meals a day. Each meal consists of a portion of protein and a portion of carbohydrate (A portion being roughly defined as the size of your fist.) 2 of the meals have to include a portion of vegetables as well. Along with the eating habit, 3 days a week (every other day) you do a cardiovascular workout. For me, it’ll be my exercise bike. But there’s a particular way you have to do it: If a scale exists where 1 is the easiest a workout could be, and 10 is so difficult that you can not possibly do any more, a workout is supposed to go something like this: Start with 2 minutes at 5, then a minute at 6, then then next 4 minutes go from at 6 up to 9, staying at 9 for a full minute, then back down to 6. Next 4 minutes go back to 9 as before. do this one more time., then the 4th time, go up to 10 and stay there for a minute. then go back down to 5 for a minute, and call it good. So a 20 minute workout. I did it once just to test it out, and it takes a lot out of you. The the opposite 3 days I’ll be doing a predefined upper body workout that involves free weights and specific lifts and repetitions. So that’s what I’ll be starting Monday. Should prove interesting. I’d like to see results, but I’m currently a bit skeptical.

So I went shopping, since I needed a lot of protein, and there were specific foods I needed to buy. I now have a ton of Tuna and eggs. I’ve been teaching myself different ways to cook eggs. Right now I’m quite taken with soft boiled, though a ham omelet sounds really good as well. So after shopping, and getting that all taken care of, it was about dinner time, so I took Sven, Julie, and Swac out to ..good guess!, Max and Ermas for dinner. It was pretty crowded, but we were able to get into Tressa’s section. It was quite good, as always. Afterwards we headed back to my place, and played some euchre, then Mandace came, and we played “the card game.” I take my job as scorekeeper quite seriously, doling out penalty points and criticisms where I deem necessary. Afterwards, Sven and Julie jetted, and Swac, Mandace, and I watched Clerks, while I worked on my Sunday School lesson. I had 6 more questions to answer for my class, and they proved to be quite good again:

1. How can God have existed before we/anything was made?
2. Did any animals die on the ark?
3. Who was Hazarmaveth?
4. Why were there 12 Disciples, instead of 11 or 13?
5. Why do the Egyptians[Palestinians/Arabs] hate the Israelites?
6. Why did God create us if He knew we would fail?

I thought those were some pretty impressive questions for 7th and 8th graders to ask. We got to delve into Physics, Philosophy, Calvin’s Institutes of the Christian Religion, and I ended up getting a good plug for the Bible Gateway in there too. So after the movie I went to bed.

Sunday: I woke up, made it to church on time for once, then it was Sunday School, and I finally made the lesson last the full hour, thanks in large part to those question I had to answer, and the kids seemed to actually pay attention, which was a nice bonus. After Sunday School I headed off to the Veldhof’s place for dinner, which was wonderful as always. Then I headed home, and started working on this site. I added an Interpretations section, where I can put my take on movies, songs, books, etc. I then watched Donnie Darko again, with the 2nd commentary track, then wrote my interpretation. I kinda lost steam on my whole interpretation, just because the more you watch it, the more complex it gets. I have a hard time telling if Frank is good or evil. I want him to be evil, but he does some good, so I’m torn. Either way, the movie rules, and I hope my abbreviated take on the movie doesn’t suck too much.

I really hope I go to Italy this summer. I really hope this coed volleyball thing pans out. And I hope it gets warm soon, and those people that have been sick lately feel better really soon (as in, right now.

. Well, it’s 2, and that means I’m done, having sat down here 10 hours ago and all. PO

So here’s the thing: Daredevil looks horrible.

And here’s the other thing: Lewis Black is hilarious.

So last time I wrote was Sunday, I think. Here’s a quick run-through of the week:

• Monday: I went to work, but got home early cause the network connection was flaky. Worked for a few hours, then fell asleep. I woke up around 1:30, talked to some people for a while, then went back to sleep.
• Tuesday: I woke up, after getting plenty of sleep, and I was still tired. So sleep officially gets the finger. Honestly, what’s the point? I can get behind the whole “sleep is enjoyable” thing. Any sleep from about 4am – 5pm is good, enjoyable sleep… so long as you’re not supposed to be sleeping. Honestly, I take more joy in the half hour of sleep I get in the car on the drive to work than I do in any of the sleep I get at home… and I wake up from that with a messed up neck and no clue what the hell is going on. So before I used to think that maybe if I got a bit more sleep, I wouldn’t hate the mornings so much.. turns out that just ain’t true. Mornings suck, and that’s why I hate them. I don’t have a good reason for the afternoons and evenings yet, but I bet it’ll involve bitterness, apathy, and something about dreams going unfulfilled. So Tuesday was work, then afterwards, I worked out for a while, headed off to the Pickwick, then crashed at Joel and Adam‘s place. By the way, I totally suck at Tetris.

An aside:

Seriously, commercials are horrible. Who honestly comes up with these things. And who, after that, thinks “Hrm.. .yeah.. I could see spending millions of dollars to send a bunch of buffalo running across a highway to advertise a pair of really ugly jeans?” Or every single truck commercial that shows a truck doing something that a truck can’t do.. then the little caption mentioning that there’s no way the truck could do what they’re saying it could do. What’s up with that!? Show me what the thing can do. Seems like the entire advertising world needs to watch the Muppets take Manhattan. (Soap.. it gets you clean). Oh, and another thing: Make Simpsons funny again. That is an order. Aside over.

• Wednesday: Work, yada. Then I headed home, then off to Sven and Julies to watch Ed, which wasn’t on, so we played euchre for a while, and I totally sucked. Afterwards I met up with Joel, Mark, Alan, etc.. at Founders, which was good stuff. They’ve got peanuts,and you just toss the shells on the floor. That’s fun. So I stayed to 2ish, then headed home. I don’t remember what when on after that.
• Thursday: Worked from home all day. Cut my hair. Cleaned my house.
  

  Another Aside

  Who in their right mind watches Boston Public?

  So Thursday night I met up with Swac, and his brother, Pete, and Mandace at Fridays. We headed back to the house, afterwards, and watched Donnie Darko, which is quickly becoming one of my favorite movies of all time. I’m working on my interpretation of it now. Afterwards, I worked out for a while, then stayed up too late.

• Friday: For the first time in as long as I can remember, I had a good Friday. Work was a lot of fun. We watched a Star Trek The Next Generation episode during lunch (The Inner Light), and things were just kinda funny. Afterwards, Robb, Mindy, and I headed out to Damons, then we saw Just Married with some of Mindy’s work friends. It was fairly predictable, but I laughed a few times. Then we headed home, and I eventually headed off to sleep.
• Saturday: I blew much of the day playing Metroid Prime. Seriously, that game is amazing. I had it a few more times where I was actually scared while playing. I find that to be the mark of a good game, (and a frightening sign of my underlying wussyness). Then Robb and I headed off to Max and Ermas, where we were eventually joined by Alan. So he met Tressa, and got to enjoy the goodness that is Max and Ermas of Grandville. Was good stuff. Then it was home, then I worked on my Sunday School lesson while talking to Christa for a few hours.. then watched a few Home Movies eps, then fell asleep.

A Third Aside

No one needs to eat yogurt while skateboarding. That’s simply a product created without any demand for it. The creators of Gogurt should be shot.

• Sunday: That’s today. Woke up, headed off to church. Then taught sunday school. My sunday school book this section sucks. So last time I taught I asked the kids to write down any question about Religion, Christianity, etc. they might have, and I’d do research and try to answer them. So I had 3 questions to answer for today: 1.) Did Adam and Eve have belly-buttons? 2.)Can God make a rock so big that even He can’t lift it? 3. Why do people around the world serve different religions? Pretty fun questions actually. So even with all of that, and the whole lesson, it only took 30 minutes. It’s hard to fill an hour. I have nothing but respect for good teachers. So afterwards, I headed off to the Veldhof’s place for dinner, as we were celebrating David’s birthday. After that, I headed home, played Metroid Prime all afternoon, then headed into my room, talked to Christa much of the night, and worked on this. The end.

So I’ve got all these pictures and reminders of good things set up pretty much anywhere I spend decent amounts of time. And I kinda thought it was because I’m in a sad/bad/depressed mood a fair amount. But now I think it’s not because I’m sad often, but because I can get sad so quickly. It just doesn’t take much. One moment I’m fine, then one little thing happens, and I’m gone. These little reminders keep me grounded. And they’ve become so important throughout the years that now I take some with me wherever I go. Hrm.. Maybe that’s sad… or neurotic. Turns out I don’t care either way. If it works for me.. meh.